Worrying What People Think, Fear of Failure & Fear of Being Judged – Hypnotherapy Video:
This is the transcript page to my hypnotherapy video about worrying what people think, the fear of failure and the fear of being judged by others. So many people spend so much time worrying about these things and avoiding things due to a fear of failure, rejection or other people perceiving them negatively. Yet the research shows that people overestimate the extent to which their actions and appearance are noticed by other people. Chances are that you think more people pay attention to the things you do and how you look, than is actually true.
Worrying What People Think, Fear of Failure & Fear of Being Judged
Hi it’s Dan here. I hope you’re good today. Today I just wanted to say a few words about the worry of what people think about us, and the fear of failure, the fear of being negatively judged by people in some way, because all the research strongly shows that we tend to overestimate how much the stuff we say and do, and our appearance, and all those things, are being noted by others.
It’s called the spotlight effect because we are focused on what we do with the spotlight of our lives. We are acutely aware of the kind of stuff we’re focusing on and what’s important to us and what’s going on within us and we start to project some of that onto other people and we assume that other people pay more attention and give more weight to the things we do in our appearance, our behaviours, than is actually warranted.
We tend to massively overestimate how much attention and how much the stuff we’re doing is being noted by others. That’s true in terms of our appearance and I’m sure you can resonate with this. If we think we don’t look good, or perhaps we’re wearing something new or perhaps we feel uncomfortable, we don’t think we’re looking our best, we think we’re carrying a bit of extra weight, we assume that everyone else is thinking that, and noticing that, and judging that in some way, particularly if you have anxiety issues, or social anxiety, or low self esteem this is kind of worrying.
What if people notice this, and they’re probably paying attention to this, then you start to feel bad, and you don’t want to do stuff, you might not do stuff, you might avoid stuff, get out of stuff. If you’re in situations, again whether it’s appearance, whether it’s your behaviours, the kind of stuff you’re saying, kind of points you’re making, your opinions, even who you are as a person, all that social anxiety, and the anxiety of low self esteem, means that rather than being in the moment, enjoying yourself, and feeling good, and doing the things you want to do, you’re over-analysing all that inner talk in your mind and all that focus you then tend to assume that other people are picking up on, they can notice you’re uncomfortable, they can notice your anxiety, they notice the things that you are perceiving as errors, and they see them as errors but, like I say, all research shows that we massively overestimate it, and even though we know that, although we have that focus ourselves and we’re acutely aware of those things going on inside of us, even though we know other people will take other things into account, and we’re not at the centre of their minds, even when we allow for that we tend to not allow enough, we still over-exaggerate it, we still over-estimate how much attention people are giving to the things, our actions, and our behaviours and our appearance.
This kind of research is really good news. If you do have low confidence, low self esteem, anxiety, social anxiety, any of those kind of things, where you stop yourself taking opportunities because of how much weight you’re giving to what other people think, or how you’re coming across, that belief that people are taking note of what you say, and what you do, and your actions, and your behaviours, that knowledge that actually you are massively over-estimating it, and they are paying no way near as much attention as you think they are means that you can feel a bit released, you can keep that in mind, go and look at the research, if you want to, about it.
It’s there, in terms of appearance, it’s there in terms of positive stuff, it’s there in how you come across with other people, how much weight people give to negative things, positive things. It’s all out there, all that research on the spotlight effect shows that we massively overestimate in our minds, we over-exaggerate how much focus people are giving to those kind of things. And knowing that, means that, if there are things that you want to do, then you can discount, you can give much less weight to worrying about what people think, or being judged in that kind of way, or fears of failures.
Those are the kind of things that stop you living your life, stop you doing the things you want to do, so keep in mind, those kind of worries they’re massively amplified in your mind. Research after research shows that’s a fact. So keep that in mind. The fact is people probably aren’t paying anywhere near as much attention to the kind of stuff you’re saying and doing, whether that’s good stuff, or not so good stuff, how you look, and what you’re wearing, your weight, size and shape. Whether it’s the kind of stuff, or the little kind of errors we all make, or the little gaps we all make, and those kind of things, although they seem big to us and they’re focussing our mind, actually other people probably either aren’t noticing them, aren’t paying any attention to them, they’re soon forgotten, they’re getting on with other things, so knowing that, it’s freeing, get out there, take those opportunities, do the things you want to do, and keep in mind that actually we’re probably getting much less attention, much less focus on those things than we think.
We’re probably getting inattention if anything, so get out there, do those things, enjoy that fact and feel good knowing that you can do those things. You don’t have to worry about what people think, you don’t have to worry about being judged in that way. Just be the real you, the nice, kind, wonderful you. Get out there, do the things you want to do, enjoy it, feel good and I’ll leave you with that thought. Like I say, if you do want to know more, check out that research. I think it’s really freeing, really uplifting to know those things, to know that our minds are wrong on these things. Keep that in mind, get out there, be sociable, do the things you want to do. Enjoy it and I will speak to you soon.
24 July 2019
Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket
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