What are you saying to yourself all day long?
We all talk to ourselves constantly while we are awake – it’s that voice in our heads we consider to be us as we run our commentary through thoughts and events.
Yet often we beome so used to that voice that we don’t actually pay much attention to what we say or how we say it.
To really fire up your confidence, you are going to have to break out of your comfort zone.
When we stop growing and progressing, we can stagnate or even start going backwards and shrink back to the familiar. We lose momentum, everything seems more of a stretch and our confidence and well-being suffers.
So if you want to make changes in your life to bust anxiety and feel more confident then follow these steps to make it happen:
I’ve had a busy week helping people turbo charge their confidence so they know they can achieve the things they want to with their life. As someone who used to suffer with a low self esteem, I know what a limiting impact it can have for you when you doubt your own confidence.
One of my recent clients who lacked confidence told me she would often feel uncomfortable around other people, especially in a group or if she didn’t know them very well. She just sort of assumed they weren’t very interested in what she had to say and probably weren’t that keen on having her there anyway.
So she would avoid these sorts of situations as much as possible, and if it couldn’t be avoided the whole thing would turn into an anxious ordeal where she couldn’t think of anything to say, would feel uncomfortable and would want to disappear into the background until the whole thing was over.
If you are over thirty then chances are you have at least a vague recollection of Showaddywaddy from when they regularly enjoyed chart success (if you don’t remember them (shame on you!) or you are a bit younger then check them out on You Tube!).
Showaddywaddy were the first band I ever went to see live in concert. I was about ten and my mum took me and my brother to see them play in Cardiff. I remember it was very loud and I didn’t have a clue what was going on.
And I saw them another few times when I was a bit older. But it was the time I saw them in 2006 that made my anxiety rocket and tested my confidence levels.
When I was younger I was the victim of bullying. It happened at school, it happened at university and it happened at work.
And it was never the actual physical stuff, it was always the threat of it, the comments and the name calling in earlier years and later, people abusing their position to undermine me.
For a long time I thought it was my fault. Bullies like that – it seems to give them even more strength and motivation. And as someone who lacked confidence and internalised things, it was easy for them to bully me and put me down.The more they did it, the weaker I felt.
Ever had one of those days where even the small things seem to wind you up? Like you got up out of the wrong side of the bed or like everyone in the world has decided this is the day that they are going to do whatever it takes to stress you out?
And then you spend the next hour (or more) going over what happened, looking for other people to tell or silently seething inside because you can’t just let it go?
Maybe someone cut you up when you were driving or maybe someone in the shop blocked your way, was dawdling along so slowly or did the (and I’ve seen this one a lot!) elbow nudge as they passed you.
Your boss or partner may have said something and it’s really niggled you, or perhaps you got something in an e-mail from ‘that’ person and you can’t help but dwell on it and wish the world would swallow them up so you could get on with what you need to be doing.
Or maybe it’s the kids when they just won’t do what you want them to, and the house is a mess and you were supposed to be somewhere 10 minutes ago.
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Many of my clients, when they first come to see me, use alcohol as an external method of trying to control bad feelings – they feel anxious so have a drink to relax and try and calm their thoughts, they drink a few before meeting up with friends to feel more confident, they need a drink at the end of the working day to unwind and so on.
The problem comes when it isn’t possible to not have a drink, their health starts to suffer, they start forgetting parts of the evening or they find they can no longer go without a drink.
If you want to break this cycle then here are a few starters:
Do you have trouble sleeping?
If you are anxious, worried, stressed or feeling low, sleep can be one of the main things affected. And the less well you sleep the more tired you become and the harder it is to cope. You may also start to worry about not getting enough sleep and the impact this will have for you – and so you create a cycle of feeling anious about sleeping, which leads to not sleeping and more anxiety.
So here are seven simple things you can do to improve your chance of a good night’s sleep:
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Enjoy feeling and being more mentally calm and physically relaxed right now:
