Confidence and Self Esteem

Comparing Yourself To Others & Self-Esteem

by Dan Regan | Jan 29, 2018 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Comparing Yourself To Others & Self-Esteem:

We’ve probably always done it, yet comparing yourself to others has hit boom time with the rise of social media. I like to think that, had he been alive today, Shakespeare would have changed his sonnet from ‘shall I compare thee to a summer’s day’ to ‘shall I compare how I feel and my own self-worth to your instagram and facebook profiles.’

Now before anyone accuses me of blaming social media for leading us to compare ourselves with others, I’m not, and I should know it’s been around longer because it’s something I used to do incessantly before I’d ever heard of instagram, twitter, facebook and so on. There were times I could barely force myself out of the front door because of my anxiety-fuelled comparisons with others and worry about what they might think about me (and it was never something good).

Yet there’s no denying that these days it’s easier than ever to compare our own thoughts, feelings, perceptions and levels of self-esteem with the filtered, published results that someone chooses to portray online. We compare our inner self worth with someone else’s carefully selected public profile. And if you are going through a hard time right now, then those images of smiley, happy people enjoying every moment of life can only make you feel a bit worse (after all, how come everyone else is so happy and you’re not, right?).

It’s something that comes up in my office, and I can reference a recent client where such a thing was adding to her feelings of low self-esteem.

Mental Health and Exercise – family fun at the Ely Festive 5k

by Dan Regan | Nov 27, 2017 | Confidence and Self Esteem, Hypnotherapy Hypnosis and NLP

Mental Health and Exercise – family fun at the Ely Festive 5k

One of the things I love about living in Ely is that there seems to always be something going on. And that means lots of opportunities for family fun with my girls.

This weekend was a big one in our household because as well as my normal bootcamp and full day of clients on Saturday, my eldest daughter also performed on stage with her school choir and the highly acclaimed Witchford Voices choir. It was a brilliant evening and a proud moment to see my daughter standing up on stage and confidently singing her heart out in front of about 250 people. The grand finale featuring both choirs was a version of ‘Africa’ (the 1980s hit song by Toto) and was exceptional.

Then Sunday morning it was up and ready and heading to the start line with about 600 others for the Ely Festive 5k, a fun run around the streets of Ely in aid of the Arthur Rank Hospice charity, who support people in Cambridgeshire living with a life-limiting illness. A fantastic cause I’m sure you’ll agree. And a great excuse to dress as Santa and go for a run with my daughter!

Now if you’ve taken a look around my website, you’ll know that I love exercise (or at least I love the feeling having completed a marathon or a tough bootcamp session!). I started exercising years ago because I was grossly overweight into my teens and hated being fat. Of course, with the anxiety I had back then I soon also discovered that good mental health and exercise go hand in hand.

Is your inner critic keeping you anxious and stuck?

by Dan Regan | Oct 10, 2017 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Is your inner critic keeping you anxious and stuck?

Are you your own best friend or our own worst enemy? Whether we realise it or not, all day long we are running a self-talk commentary in our heads of what is going on within us and around us. If you have learnt to be self-critical in your thoughts then you may spend your time telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, or talking yourself out of doing things you want to do, or convincing yourself that you’ll probably fail or make an idiot of yourself.

It’s a bit like having a little devil on our shoulder all day long who delights in highlighting your perceived inadequacies, flaws or in naysaying any signs of confidence, hope and progression.

When I used to struggle with anxiety, I’d told myself I wasn’t good enough so many times that I’d stopped even noticing that I was doing it. It became so habitual that I just assumed that the stuff I was telling myself was fact and reality. I was sure that other people would think I was rubbish or boring or an idiot. I was always living on edge at some level in case I was ‘found out’ for being inadequate. I lived with a mind crammed full of inner criticism which projected my anxiety into each and every situation. I avoided things, I ducked out of things and I prayed no one would notice.

Life Changing Hypnotherapy – Gaining Self Confidence

by Dan Regan | Jul 31, 2017 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Life Changing Hypnotherapy – Gaining Self Confidence

Do you ever struggle to interact with other people? I remember how, when I struggled with low self confidence and social anxiety, even the most straightforward of interactions would be an anxiety fuelled process full of potential minefields.

There were times when even standing in a queue in a corner shop would cause my anxiety levels to rise and I would be frantically rehearsing what I would say to the cashier over and over in my mind so I wouldn’t mess it up and make an idiot of myself. And yes I did all those other things that socially anxious people do like avoiding people in the street, worrying about what other people thought about me, and spending waaaaayyyy too long thinking about what I was going to say rather than actually being present in the moment.

And not only is all that worry mentally and physically draining, it also means missing out on doing things you want to do and having to endure rather than enjoy being around others.

So it’s always a real delight to me when someone comes to me for help with self confidence and social anxiety when I can help them find a way to make the changes that mean they can happily achieve the things that they want to.

Recently I worked with a lovely guy called Tom and you can read what he had to say after our sessions below.

Zootropolis, Self Esteem & Being Judged

by Dan Regan | Mar 21, 2016 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Last weekend I took my children to watch the latest Disney film called ‘Zootropolis’ at the cinema.

If you’ve never heard of it, Zootropolis is based around a city where animals of all shapes and sizes live side by side. From elephants and rhinos to mice and lemmings, the animals live in a city, performing every day job and roles (in a world where humans don’t exist). My kids and us grown ups thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

So what has this to do with self esteem and being judged (or the fear of what other people think)?

Increase Confidence with Hypnotherapy in Ely

by Dan Regan | Feb 25, 2016 | Confidence and Self Esteem

I love helping people increase their confidence and self esteem with hypnotherapy in Ely.

Having known what it is like to live with low confidence and self esteem, it is a wonderful thing to help someone let go of that burden and move on to living their lives doing what they want to do.

In this article, I’ll be sharing some constructive actions you can immediately start taking to strengthen your confidence from today. I’ve also included a video testimonial from Marc who put these actions into place and is now more confident and happier in presentations, video conferences and in many other areas.

Ease Social Anxiety At Christmas

by Dan Regan | Dec 5, 2015 | Confidence and Self Esteem

With the festive season well and truly upon us, and all those Christmas meals and parties, your social anxiety may be getting to set to rise a few notches.

For some, just the thought of being around friends, relatives and work colleagues can create worry, anxiety and stress. After all, there is all that small talk to endure and all those ‘what ifs?’ about saying the wrong thing, messing up or being judged in some way.

And even if you decide not to go due to those fears, there may still be that nagging concern over what they will think if you don’t show up. So you’re kind of caught in a trap of worry about going versus the worry of not going.

Just like with presentations, social functions may lead to worry about making an idiot of yourself, perhaps by drying up during conversations, not knowing what to say, or worries about being thought of as boring.

So what can you do to lower social anxiety at social events?

Anti-bullying week; My bullying story

by Dan Regan | Nov 17, 2015 | Confidence and Self Esteem

This week is National Anti-Bullying week and as part of that I thought I’d share some of my own experiences and learning from being the victim of bullying.

Personally I found it very hard to even admit (to myself or others) that I was being bullied. I was a grown man, working in a full time public sector role at the Legal Services Commission and I was living in a cycle of fear, misery and dread.

And one of the hardest things for me was that I hadn’t even really noticed the bullying growing and deepening through the weeks.

In fact, as someone who at the time struggled with self esteem issues and a belief that I wasn’t good enough, I thought it must just be me – that I wasn’t up to the job, I was too weak, I was a failure, I had been found out at last…

What does self esteem look like?

by Dan Regan | Oct 31, 2015 | Confidence and Self Esteem

I help a lot of people who have low self esteem and confidence to learn how to feel better in themselves – to become comfortable being who they are.

So it was no surprise to come across a recent Daily Mail article with the headline, ‘How having a facelift can make you feel worse. Some patients who appeared up to nine years younger after surgery said their confidence didn’t increase.’

The article goes on to mention research that says that having a facelift doesn’t necessarily boost self esteem and can even leave you feeling worse (not to mention financially poorer).

Which supports the obvious conclusion that self esteem is more than skin deep. So what exactly is this elusive self esteem that people are often seeking?

Ending The Pain of Social Anxiety

by Dan Regan | Oct 12, 2015 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Social anxiety can feel painful. You know you are fully capable ofr thinking and talking yet in those social moments that anxiety takes grip and you find youself trapped within your worry and panic.

It’s no wonder that if you struggle with social anxiety, you may do all you can to avoid social situations and those uncomfortable feelings.

Yet it isn’t always possible to avoid others, after all, you would probably like to enjoy spending time with others and doing the things you want to do and you may want to progress in your career and contribute to things that are important to you.

As a former sufferer of social anxiety, I know all too well the torment it brings, how it can rob you of enjoyment from social things and how it feels like you can’t be the real you around others. So what can be done about social phobia?

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