Confidence and Self Esteem

Impostor Syndrome – Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket

by Dan Regan | Jun 23, 2022 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Impostor Syndrome – Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket

Recently I’ve been working with a number of people who, as part of their self-doubt, anxiety and stress, are struggling with imposter syndrome.

Impostor syndrome leads to you feeling like a bit of a fraud in what you are doing at work or another aspect of life, like at some point you expect to get found out and that others will finally discover that you aren’t up to the job and that you’ve somehow just been getting away with things. You doubt your own skills, capabilities, accomplishments and achievements and you live with a fear of being found out.

Now, this worry, self-doubt and fear will continue even where you can point to a long list of achievements. You may put your successes down to luck or chance, or that others didn’t notice the flaws in what you did (which can contribute to elements of perfectionism). When you receive positive feedback you probably don’t internalise it and feel good, but rather think it’s well-meaning but false.

And, of course, the more you achieve and the greater your responsibilities, the more there is to lose and the greater your fear of failure and of being uncovered for the fraud you think you really are.

No matter what positive feedback comes your way, how well others may say you do or how objectively visible your accomplishements are, that perception that you aren’t as good as they think lingers on. It leads to self-criticism, putting pressure on yourself, fear of failure, perfectionism, anxiety, fear and doubt.

By it’s very definition it’s a false perception of your own skills and capabilities. No matter how much praise you receive or how well things go, it doesn’t stop that feeling of fear of failure and the fear of exposure as a fraud.

Runners Therapy in Ely And Newmarket: Using Your Mind To Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

by Dan Regan | May 10, 2021 | Confidence and Self Esteem, Sports Improvement

Runners’ Therapy in Ely And Newmarket: Using Your Mind To Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem

It’s been twenty or so years since I took up running properly. Before that I’d done a bit of jogging and running but in a much more haphazard and inconsistent way. Over the last two decade, except for time out with injuries, I’ve pretty much kept on donning my trainers and heading out of the door.

To my mind, running reflects so many aspects of life. There are the good times, and the not so good: the smooth times when you feel on top of the world, and those where you have to draw upon every ounce of persistence and determination to overcome challenges. Both inside and outside of running, you can have all sorts of inner dialogue, thoughts, feelings, expectations and beliefs.

When I suffered with anxiety, low confidence and low self-esteem, running was my crutch for everything. I would run after a good day and also to try and cope and deal with the less good days. I would run to try and feel better in myself, often succeeding for a while, yet the anxiety and mental health challenges in the rest of my life remained.

If I missed a run I would feel irritable, tense, frustrated and down. I could even go so far to say that in those days when my mental health struggles were the strongest, I felt like I absolutely needed to run and I had to run just to keep afloat in my life. Unless you’ve struggled with your mental health and experienced the highs that running can bring, you may struggle to understand the intensity of feeling and the need and desperation that comes from finding a way to demonstrate your own worth to yourself (and others), to find relief from the suffering and the need to run in order to cope.

There are many, many mental health benefits that come from exercise, yet running doesn’t always allow for full mental health recovery and relief, and those same old unwanted thoughts and feelings can continue to hold you back in other aspects of your life.

Your Confident Self: Increasing Confidence, Self-Esteem and Self-Belief

by Dan Regan | Feb 12, 2021 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Your Confident Self: Increasing Confidence, Self-Esteem and Self-Belief

Over the last few months I’ve been busy learning how to play the guitar. Having not even picked up a guitar for over twenty five years, I’ve pretty much been learning all the notes and chords from scratch. And over the many weeks of practicing with online lessons from Fender, I kind of got to an ok level (think advanced beginner not Hendrix!).

At the end of last year I decided to start some online live guitar lessons with a great guy called Chris. Let me tell you, Chris can really play! Whilst I had a fairly ok level of confidence playing on my own to myself, that first lesson with someone who knows their stuff took me way outside my comfort one. In fact, in that first lesson with a pair of eyes watching me, I struggled to get my hands and fingers to co-ordinate in any sort of reasonable fashion.

Yet by the next lesson, and beyond, I’ve found myself able to play more confidently and to be ok with the inevitable mistakes that I make as I learn new things, and to feel good about the bits that go well and improve.

It can happen in any area of your life: you start something new, it takes you into a bit of discomfort outside your comfort zone, and then you adjust, adapt, learn and get better from perseverance. You learn that you can trust in your abilities, have faith in yourself and make some good progress.

It’s the same whether you train for your first race, meet someone knew, learn a new skill or do anything else new, different or potentially more challenging.

Yet sometimes, people struggle to have faith in their abilities and in who they are. They think they aren’t good enough or worthy in some way. They think they don’t deserve whatever it is. They dwell on mistakes and failures and things that didn’t go well and convince themselves it will always be like that. Their confidence, self-esteem and self-belief isn’t where it needs to be, or should be.

Your self-image, confidence and self-esteem can be shaped and molded by life experiences, people, places and a whole range of other factors. But of course your self-confidence and self-esteem are ultimately down to the thoughts, feelings, behaviours and beliefs you have about yourself, your own self-perception and view of yourself. And whilst your confidence and self-esteem may not be where you want them to be, it is definitly possible to grow in confidence, to have faith in yourself, to feel good being you, to back yourself and believe in yourself and to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Confidence: Using Your Hypnotic Hero To Increase Your Confidence

by Dan Regan | Feb 9, 2021 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Confidence: Using Your Hypnotic Hero To Increase Your Confidence

From very early on and throughout our lives we are constantly learning from others around us. We observe what others do in their interactions, with certain behaviours, skills, phrases, responses and we often absorb and integrate things we have seen and learnt into what we do and how we do it.

Recently, I’ve been learning to play the guitar. The most effective way to learn a new skill like this is through watching someone else play and then practising and learning that for yourself. If you are like me then it can take some practice and guidance, breaking things down into small chunks, and then more practice (and then even more!). Through watching online tutorials and lessons on the internet, and with the guidance and support of my guitar tutor, my playing has progressed massively since I started last year.

And it’s the same on other areas of life. When I joined bootcamp I had to watch what others did so I could learn and replicate it. In running, you watch and talk to other runners, you learn from their approach and attitude and you then seek to take elements of this and incorporate them into what you do.

Watching and learning from others involves a process of attention, retention, production, and motivation. Firstly, you pay careful attention to the person being observed. You then commit the observed act to memory through techniques and go about putting it into practice. To benefit, you need to be motivated to attend to, remember, and practice the observed behaviour in order to perform the skill accurately (Bandura, 1977).

Whether it’s a skill, behaviours, attitude or mindset, we can learn from observing others and seeking to replicate positive elements in a way that fits with who we are. If you want to be good at something, then it makes sense to find someone who is already good and observe and pay attention to what they do and how they do it (through observation, talking to them, reading about them and so forth).

One aspect of life that we can all improve upon in some areas is our confidence and self-belief. Some people worry that if they become more confident then they will become arrogant, but these are not the same things. Being confident involves thinking in particular ways, having certain beliefs, patterns, habits, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you can get stuck in your own limitations of what you think is possible for you and think you can’t do something or that you are not good enough or not confident at that thing.

As I’ve mentioned we can learn from observing and paying attention to what confident people do and then ‘trying it on’ for ourselves, in a way that fits with our own values and desires. In this article we are using the concept of a ‘hero’ or ‘role model’ to help you become more confident in certain aspects of your life.

Worrying What Other People Think – Thoughts From The New Forest

by Dan Regan | Sep 8, 2020 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Worrying What Other People Think – Thoughts From The New Forest

A few weeks ago I was on holiday down in the New Forest with my family and recorded a video whilst out exploring all about worrying what other people think.

This is something that comes up a lot when I work with people on issues around anxiety, low confidence and low self-esteem. It might mean worrying so much about being judged that you don’t do something you’d like to be doing, or don’t contribute and say what you want to. You might worry when you are actually around those people and find yourself second guessing yourself inside of your head or trying to ‘get things right’ before you say or do anything. And you may well dwell on things afterwards and either judge yourself harshly for how you feel you did, or else worry that others are thinking badly of you in some way.

I know I used to do all of these things and more when I struggled with anxiety and low self-esteem. In fact, I almost thought there was something seriously wrong with me because of how I was around other people and for holding back and doubting myself when I should have just got on with it.

And as it’s something that has come up a lot in sessions recently, here’s my short video where I share some thoughts about worrying what other people think about you:

Hypnotherapy For Self-Confidence – Latest Good Zing Article

by Dan Regan | Sep 10, 2019 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Hypnotherapy For Self-Confidence – Latest Good Zing Article:

Whatever your current levels of confidence, there is always room for improvement in at least some areas of your life. Confidence is one of those things that no matter how much we have of it, we know that there is the ability to grow further and to feel better in ourselves.

Recently I was asked by the great guys at Good Zing, who provide trusted health information through their resources, to write a piece on how hypnotherapy can help you to increase your self-confidence. I’m delighted to say that this has now been published on their site and you can have a read using the link below.

Do You Worry Too Much About What Others Think About Your Actions and Appearance?

by Dan Regan | Aug 23, 2019 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Do You Worry Too Much About What Others Think About Your Actions and Appearance?

Do you find yourself worrying too much about being judged by others? Certainly it’s a common thing where issues of anxiety, social anxiety, low confidence or low self-esteem are concerned.

You may worry about doing something embarrassing, saying the wrong thing, or making an idiot of yourself in front of others. Or perhaps you worry about your appearance and what people are thinking when they look at you, and you assume it’s some sort of negative appraisal they are carrying out. Such anxious thoughts about being judged can stop you doing things you really want to do, can make you wish the ground would swallow you up if you are around others and can mean you dwell on events and feel bad afterwards.

And whilst all those thoughts and feelings seem very real to you, research shows that you will be overestimating the extent to which your actions and behaviours are noted by others.

In the video below I explain more about this effect and the research showing that people tend to believe they stand out in the eyes of others more than they actually do.

Why You Should Probably Worry Less About What Other People Think About You – The Research on Fear of Failure and Being Judged

by Dan Regan | Jul 20, 2019 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Why You Should Probably Worry Less About What Other People Think About You – The Research on Fear of Failure and Being Judged:

When I used to struggle with social anxiety and low self-esteem, one of my biggest fears was the fear of being judged by others.

I would worry incessantly about what other people thought about me as a person and what I said and did. In my teens I went through a stage where I was obsessed about my hair looking ok so that people wouldn’t think I looked stupid. There were times in later years where I could be on the verge of an anxiety attack if I thought others might think I looked weird, or if there was a chance of messing up. I would massively overthink everything I was saying and doing to try and avoid being judged and I had a massive fear of failure because of the rejection and negative perceptions others may have.

And one of the biggest things that holds people back, as far as social anxiety and low self-esteem are concerned, is that fear of what other people might think. It can stop you doing things, or even attempting to do things. It can lead to anxiety and overthinking that others will notice you aren’t good enough in some way. It can lead to worry about what people you know, or even those you don’t know, might be thinking about you. And it can mean missing out or feeling bad because of the fear you might look bad to others in some way.

But are people really that focused on what you are saying and doing all the time? Do they really spend that much time paying attention to you rather than thinking about other things? Do you really need to worry about what other people think about you because of the fear of failure and being judged badly?

If you worry about what others think about you and you fear failure then the research should provide you with some reassurance that your fears are probably far removed from the reality.

Gratitude and Well-Being: How To Improve Your Well-Being and Self-Esteem

by Dan Regan | Feb 28, 2019 | Confidence and Self Esteem

Gratitude and Well-Being: How To Improve Your Well-Being and Self-Esteem:

In my last article I wrote all about the impact of gratitude on anxiety, depression and self-esteem (have a read here: The Impact of Gratitude on Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem and Well-being). The research I talked about there shows that gratitude is strongly related to several aspects of well-being and mental health.

People who have a disposition to notice and appreciate positive aspects in their life and their world tend to be happier, more optimistic, have positive self-esteem and are more positive and they also experience less depression and anxiety symptoms. In fact, gratitude can be considered to offer some protection against depression and anxiety because you are able to encourage and be compassionate and reassuring towards yourself when things go wrong in life and when faced with challenges.

As the researchers concluded, “gratitude is also associated with an improved “relationship with the self,” in the form of a more positive and compassionate way of treating ourselves when things go wrong in life, which partially explains why grateful people are also less depressed and anxious” (Petrocchi & Couyoumdjian (2015)).

As I mentioned in that last article, with so many mental health benefits of gratitude, it really does make sense to purposefully apply it in your life. You are more likely to feel happy, have positive self-esteem, a better sense of well-being and experience less anxiety and depression symptoms.

And if you do want to benefit from these good things then I’ll be covering some ways you can do so in this article.

It’s Peculiar People Day so celebrate your individual uniqueness!

by Dan Regan | Jan 7, 2019 | Confidence and Self Esteem

It’s Peculiar People Day so celebrate your individual uniqueness!

Today is Peculiar People Day!! Now I bet you probably didn’t know that…and nor did I until an e-mail mentioning it landed in my inbox. Yet it turns out that January 10th every year has indeed been assigned to be Peculiar People Day. So let’s celebrate it!

Actually, when I saw the e-mail that mentioned it, I showed it to my wife and told her that they’ve finally created a day just for her!! I’m hilarious…

I’ve no idea where the idea came from or who decided that this day every year should be marked in celebration of the strange and unusual. The Days of the Year website describes it like this:

“Peculiar People Day is here to celebrate the leaders of the strange and unusual, those who refuse to succumb to the world’s idea of what is normal and sane. They challenge the status quo and utterly rebuke the concept that that which is out of the ordinary is bad. Whether they simply dress in their own style, or have very clear ideas of what is right and normal, Peculiar People Day is their opportunity to shine.“

I’m not sure ‘peculiar’ is the word I’d use for those who do their own thing and express their own style and thoughts and ways of being. I think it’s more about being unique and celebrating being who you are and who you choose to be.

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