Why Social Anxiety Feels So Exhausting (And Why Awareness Alone Isn’t Enough)

When I used to struggle with social anxiety, even small social situations could feel overwhelming.

Recently, during a family birthday gathering, we ended up playing one of those guessing games where everyone watches while you try to work out the answer stuck to your forehead.

Years ago, that kind of situation would have filled me with dread. I would have felt tense, self-conscious and painfully aware of everyone watching me.

But without social anxiety, it was actually fun.

That contrast reminded me just how exhausting social anxiety can feel – and how different social situations feel once those anxiety patterns begin changing.

BTW here I am with the birthday girl…

 

 

Quick Summary

Social anxiety is far more than simply ‘being shy’.

Many people experience:

– fear before social situations
– overthinking during conversations
– replaying events afterwards
– fear of embarrassment or judgement
– exhaustion from constantly monitoring themselves

This article explores why social anxiety can feel so draining, why avoidance often keeps it going, and why awareness alone is not enough to create change.

 

Why Social Anxiety Feels So Draining

Social anxiety can become exhausting because your mind rarely gets a break.

Many people experience:

– anxiety before situations
– tension during interactions
– constant self-monitoring
– analysing conversations afterwards
– worrying about future situations

Even when nothing outwardly goes wrong, internally it can feel relentless.

Many people with social anxiety become very good at hiding how anxious they feel, which means other people often have no idea how much effort it takes just to get through ordinary situations.

 

Awareness Matters – But So Do Solutions

It’s encouraging that people talk more openly about anxiety and mental health now.

Reducing stigma matters.

But awareness alone does not help someone feel calmer walking into a meeting, speaking in a group or going to a social event without dread.

People also need practical ways to change the anxious patterns behind social anxiety.

 

The Split Personality of Social Anxiety

I struggled with social anxiety for years, I mean as far back as I can remember at primary school and in, through and beyond secondary school, university and getting a job. There were times I thought I had some sort of split personality. At home or with one or two good friends I could be relaxed, feel comfortable and enjoy being around others. Yet add in more people, particularly people I didn’t know or situations where I felt trapped (like in the classroom or a meeting) and I pretty much withdrew from being part of it and tried to avoid any attention coming my way (although not always, there were times when it wasn’t so painful and things would be kind of ok, but that only served to add to the thoughts that there must actually be something wrong with me in some way).

Particularly in group situations, I would constantly be worrying about what I was doing and saying (or more likely the fact that I wasn’t saying anything) and how others might be judging and perceiving me. I could worry for days about a meeting that was coming up at work and whereas others would look forward to going out socially, I could be filled with dread and may even find a last minute excuse not to go.

And of course, with social anxiety, it isn’t just the build up to being around others and it isn’t just the finding a way to get through it (although I often had a moment of huge relief when I got home after a day at school or work). It’s the endless replaying of what I said and did that used to really crush me. I would replay even the smallest moment in vivid detail over and over and I couldn’t stop myself making it worse and worse each time. Even if the situation itself had gone ok at the time, afterwards I was beating myself up for what I had or hadn’t said or done and I would convince myself that I’d made an idiot of myself and that thought would make me even more anxious about the prospect of seeing those people again. It was exhausting.

Looking back the funny thing was I would often create those social situations as if I thought that if I forced myself through them enough times I would come out ok.

For someone who was totally anxious about meetings and public speaking I went and got myself elected for my local parish council and district council. It wasn’t the answer (interestingly enough, after my hypnotherapy sorted my social anxiety I mentioned my previous experiences to a fellow councillor who had, over several years and dozens of meetings, never actually noticed I had been filled with anxiety…which probably says a lot about how much thoughts and perceptions can distort things when you have anxiety and about how much people actually are watching and judging others).

As I said above, I welcome any steps that make talking about, and creating awareness of, mental issues a more natural thing for us all. If someone wants to talk about it they should be able to get help and support without stigma.

 

Overcoming Social Anxiety Doesn’t Mean Becoming Someone Else

It doesn’t mean changing your personality or becoming ultra-confident overnight.

It means feeling calmer, safer and more comfortable being yourself around other people.

As the fear and overthinking reduce, social situations often stop feeling so exhausting and overwhelming.

 

Help for Social Anxiety

Yet we need more than just awareness. In my professional work, I come across dozens of articles each week where someone will talk or write about living with anxiety, including social anxiety. And it’s brilliant that more and more of us can be open about our experiences and hopefully give others courage.

We also need to start offering solutions to people to help them, not just talk about their ongoing anxiety problems, but actually to reduce and manage that anxiety so it is no longer a problem. I’ve written many articles about overcoming anxiety, including this one with 5 tips to overcome anxiety.

Anxiety often isn’t just one thing. I’ve gathered supportive resources covering different types of anxiety on my anxiety hypnotherapy hub.

I know from personal experience myself and from helping hundreds of others that it is perfectly possible to overcome that social anxiety. Let’s move the conversation on and start talking about helping people to improve their mental health and overcome social anxiety.

You can also learn more here:

– Social Anxiety Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket
– Anxiety and Worrying What Other People Think
– Hypnotherapy Reviews in Ely
– Can Other People Tell How You Feel?
– Social Anxiety and Self Criticism 
– Why We Think People Notice Us More Than They Do

Or, if you’d prefer to talk things through first, you’re welcome to book a free consultation.

To your success,

Dan Regan

Anxiety Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket 

 

Find out more about anxiety hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket: Anxiety Hypnotherapy

Time to overcome your social anxiety? Book your initial consultation and let’s work together to make it happen!

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