Are you standing at the back of the queue?
I often work with people who have a habit of putting everyone else first and themselves last. And after a while, everyone else starts to put them at the back of the queue as well.
If you do this too, you may find yourself frantically running around feeling anxious, stressed and frustrated.
For many clients, working out which came first, the anxiety or the depression, can see a bit like chicken and egg.
Are you depressed because anxiety rules your life and stops you doing the things you want to do? For example, one recent client I helped used to suffer very low moods in the summer while everyone went on holiday and she felt trapped at home, too worried about having a panic attack to venture too far.
Or is your anxiety part of your depression – a fear of the future, or feeling so bad or living with a sense of doom or lack of self worth. Many people with depression constantly worry and dwell about things in the past and things yet to happen.
But whether you have anxiety or depression (or both) – whatever label you or someone else has given it – the key question is always, how is this thing manifiesting itself now and how is it keeping itself going?
If you struggle with anxiety then will be all too familiar with all those ‘what-if’ scenarios you run through your mind. And the more you think about all those worst case scenarios, the more anxious you feel – leading to even more vivid scenarios flowing through your mind.
And whilst you may be able to sometimes distract yourself or stay busy to keep the anxiety at bay, sooner or later, maybe in a quiet moment or whilst you are trying to sleep, these anxious scenarios keep coming back.
You may feel like all you want to do is stop your mind thinking for a while to give you some peace. Using the technique below will give you that peace by ending all those worries about the future and bringing you back to right now.
Do you find that some people seem to be able to make you feel anxious or nervous?
The more you have that anxiety, the more it seems to fire off even when you logically know there is no need.
Recently a client told me about someone at his work who drove him up the wall – just the sound of his colleague’s voice would automatically make him tense up and feel anxious and on edge. And any interactions with that person would bug him for hours after and often long into the night.
When he came to see me he was sick of feeling out of control of his own thoughts and feelings.
Here’s what he did and you can too if you want to successfully break that cycle.
In this video, Jean describes how I helped her overcome anxiety and panic attacks, over two years ago.
As is often the case, once someone has had a panic attack, because they are so overwhelming, the fear of having another one starts to create even more anxiety. This often includes the worry about having a panic attack, as well as the worry about having a panic attack in front of others.
Anxiety tends to feed off itself, generating more stress and worry and creating a vicious cycle of worrying about worrying. Yet as Jean demonstrates, it is possible to break free of that cycle and to start feeling calm, confident and in control.
Anxiety is an unhelpful use of your imagination – you imagine vivid scenarios of things going badly or going wrong and, in doing so, you create all those anxious feelings inside.
The more you run those worst case scenarios, the more anxious you feel. And the more anxious you feel the more you run those scenarios. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety.
Yet if you were watching a rubbish programme on TV you’d probably grab the remote and turn over wouldn’t you? You’d find something you’d rather watch.
To overcome your anxiety you need to learn to calm all the worry and anxiety and direct your mind in a more positive way. Anxiety thrives when you use your imagination in an unhelpful way by creating worst case scenarios and then feeling worried, uneasy and full of dread.
It may take some time and sometimes it will be easier than other times but you need to persevere and give your brain a break from all those worrying thoughts. To take control over anxiety you need to give your stressed, over working brain, more and more time off and rest so that the perspective of calm can gain a foot hold.
Recently I was working with a client who was totally fed up of all those anxious and worrying scenarios going around her head, particularly when she was at work and needed to concentrate on what she was doing. They would keep coming back into her head time after time through the day and even stronger in the evening and when she was trying to get to sleep.
And all that worrying left her feeling anxious, tired and frustrated. The more she tried not to think about the anxiety, the harder it seemed to be for her to forget about it.
So here is a quick, simple and effective way to start taking back control over the scenarios running wild through your mind.
Do you need some help to end anxiety, worry and panic?
Want to know how you can start feeling calmer, more confident and more in control?
If so, then let me know!
Contact me with your question and I’ll write up an answer that will help you and that others can read and benefit from too.
If you struggle with panic attacks then chances are, because they are so overwhelming, you worry about having another one. The last thing you want to experience is that feeling inside, your heart racing, the panic, the feeling of being out of control and all the other symptoms of your panic attack.
And so to avoid having another panic attack, you may start avoiding going certain places or doing certain things. In some cases, you may even avoid going out altogether because of your worry and anxiety.
Recently I was working with a guy who had barely left his house for 6 months because of his anxiety and worry about having a panic attack away from home. Just the thought of going out made him feel anxious and when he did step outside, that feeling of panic would rapidly escalate. It was so severe that he just decided he was better off staying at home.
Yet a few sessions later and he is out and about every day and doing more and more things.
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Enjoy feeling and being more mentally calm and physically relaxed right now:
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