Recently I came across the term ‘the illusion of limited choice’. I’d known the concept for some time as with anxiety and worry, as well as more generally in our lives, it’s a thinking ‘trap’ we often unknowingly fall into.
We can become fixed on a limited number of choices, forgetting that there are many, many other choices we could be making.
In fact, I think it was my Dad who first introduced me to the concept when I was buying my first car.
If you are struggling with anxiety, fear or panic then I’m delighted to let you know that my new anxiety specific website is now up and running.
And if you head over to Abolish Anxiety now you can also grab a copy of my new Creating Calm hypnosis MP3 free of charge. And please do like my Facebook page too because that would make me very happy in my mission to help more and more people find an escape form their anxiety.
Recently a client told me that if she didn’t do something perfectly then, in her view, it was completely useless, rubbish and pointless.
It was either 100% or 0%. Black or white. Success or failure.
And the fact is we all want to do our best (usually).
Yet mistakes do happen, things do get missed and life can get in the way.
And having to be perfect all the time is hard work, anxiety producing and can be stifling (after all why start if it may not go perfectly…).
Anxiety wants you to take action and do it now! Your anxiety and panic prepare your body to move, to do something.
Fuelled by all those anxious scenarios and thoughts, your body will respond to that threat or danger by increasing your temperature, releasing adrenaline, increasing your heart and breathing rates and so on.
And in those moments or emotion, we are designed to stop thinking effectively. Think about it in evolutionary terms for a moment: if every time a predator was approaching we paused to have a good think about what to do and how to respond then…well, I’m sure we would have made a nice snack.
So how can you get that clear thinking, objective, rational part of your brain back in command? And at the same time calm those emotions?
Recently I came across an article in Hello magazine which gave their top tips for coping with anxiety. Apparently some ‘celebrity’ (who I’d never heard of) had been posting about that anxiety and how it affects them.
As I was reading the tips for coping with anxiety that had been provided by a Clinical Psychologist, I naturally couldn’t help but consider which one of the seven anxiety tips I would advise my clients to use and which I would suggest they do very differently.
So here is my take on the top anxiety tips you can use to overcome your anxiety from today.
When you struggle with anxiety, all those anxious thoughts and feelings can leave you feeling exhausted and burnt out.
It takes a lot of mental energy to mentally race through all those anxious thoughts like worst case scenarios and those ‘what if?’ thoughts, and it can feel just as exhausting to try and force them away or distract yourself.
And with your mind on high alert, your body is also ready for action and you may experience all those energy draining symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating and shaking.
So how can you start to cool down all that stressful mental and physical activity?
Generalised anxiety rarely rests. For the anxious person it can be physically and mentally draining and seem like an endless cycle of fear and dread.
They would probably give their right arm to switch off their anxiety and start feeling calm again, yet their mind continues to race with worrying thoughts and their body continues to stay in a state of high alert.
And even if someone does get moments of relief, or only gets anxious around specific situations, in those moments it can be hard to stand by and watch someone you care about facing their internal battle alone.
You want to help, yet what can you actually do that will help someone with anxiety?
Living with anxiety can be tough. And trying to support someone with anxiety can be just as tough.
I’m often asked by partners, parents and friends how they can help someone they care about who seems to be anxious. After all, no-one wants to put their foot in it or make it worse and sometimes it may feel like anything you do seems to fan the flames of anxiety (or make them angry that you ‘don’t understand’ or ‘don’t get it’).
So you may be desperate to help in some way yet feeling helpless to help.
I’m going to give you some ways to help a person with anxiety, but before I do, what should you avoid saying to an anxious person?
Are you fed up with running anxious scenarios over and over through your mind? And constantly thinking of things going wrong and worst case scenarios?
If you imagine vivid scenarios of things going wrong – and often these may be big, bright and colourful – then you can find that you start to generate the anxious feelings you would get if these were going on right now.
These feelings can grow and grow as you go from one scenario to another, each getting more catastrophic along the way.
So how do you calm those anxiety fuelled thoughts?
Do you struggle to get a good night’s sleep? Maybe you feel anxious in your own bed? Perhaps you can’t stop all that overthinking?
Maybe you have even learnt to dread your bed time and that ritual of frustration, anxiety, worry and restlessness.
There is no doubt about the importance of sleep – we all know how much harder everything seems to get after a few nights of limited or poor sleep. Not to mention that we need enough rest to cope emotionally and to repair and recharge.
And you could turn to sleeping tablets and use them as a crutch or you could learn how to drift effortlessly and naturally into a wonderful deep sleep every night.
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Enjoy feeling and being more mentally calm and physically relaxed right now:
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