Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation – Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket

Most men at some point in their lives are likely to suffer with erectile dysfunction and/or premature ejaculation. Yet it isn’t the sort of thing you are necessarily likely to bring up in conversation with your work colleagues and friends, and perhaps you don’t even feel comfortable enough discussing it with your partner.

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation ruin those intimate moments because things just don’t happen or they happen way too quickly. Sometimes, if it is just a one off you may be able to shrug it off and forget about it happening. You carry on and the next intimate encounter goes swimmingly fine.

Yet, all too often when I help men with these issues, one or more experiences of not being able to get or keep an erection, or of finishing way too soon, start to play on your mind. You might find yourself worrying about it all, feeling anxious about what might happen the next time you need to ‘perform’ or maybe your self-esteem takes a big step backwards. The more you worry about it happening again, the more likely it is to happen again, and so you get stuck in a cycle of embarrassment, disappointment and perceived failure. Either that or you simply try and avoid all of that stuff altogether to save yourself from the stress.

Now, assuming that all is well physically (and it may be worth a trip to your GP, although the people I’ve helped normally find that when they are on their own things work just fine for them), erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are more of a psychological issue. You feel under pressure to perform, you get tense and anxious about it happening again and you can’t just relax and enjoy the moment with someone. You need to learn to relax again, to take your time and to enjoy the experience.

Erectile Dysfunction

Whilst many men I’ve helped have described the inner torment in their own heads about their ability to get or keep an erection during those intimate experiences, there are at least medications you can get to help with it. Thankfully, if you need it, these are now available over the counter and so much easier to call upon should you need to. The downside tends to be that you might need to take one half an hour before you need the effects, which can ruin any spontaneity as you have to judge whether anything intimate is likely to happen and when it might happen if it does. Some men also report getting a very flushed face after taking a tablet (something obvious that you may not want if you are with a new partner, for example). And, of course, the underlying psychological issues can remain unresolved.

And many men tell me that they have no problem with erections when they are having some alone time. It is only when they feel anxious and are with someone that the erectile dysfunction take place. Maybe it happened unexpectedly once (as it can and probably does for most men) and then you start to worry about it happening again and more often. Those anxious what if thoughts start to play in your mind. You imagine being with your partner, things starting to happen….and then everything goes south. You inadvertently start to prime your mind for things to go wrong.

What’s more, you feel tense and anxious when the intimacy starts. Anxiety exists to keep us safe from threats and so your body starts to direct blood elsewhere as sexual reproduction is not that important when faced with a perceived threat. You struggle to relax and enjoy things because of a sort of inner pressure to try and get it and keep it going. You become more focused on your erection, and less engaged in being in the moment and you both enjoying yourselves. And if the erectile dysfunction happens, you may experience all sorts of negative thoughts and emotions, from disappointment to despair embarrassment to shame, a sense of inadequacy and a sense of failure (after all, you probably tell yourself that you aren’t quite the full male you thought you were in the bedroom department).

Of course, once you deal with those unwanted thoughts and feelings, you can relax, let nature take its course and find that things happen all by themselves when you are aroused. You become more focused on your partner and the connection than on the thoughts inside your own head. Not that your partner is probably anywhere as concerned as you because there are all sorts of other ways to foster and enjoy closeness, intimacy and pleasure.

As well as your own anxiety and stress about things, there can be all sorts of reasons for your first experience of erectile dysfunction. As mentioned, it could just be one of those things. Maybe you are physically tired or perhaps the stress and anxiety of the day is having an impact. Things like alcohol and nicotine may be playing a detrimental part in what you have been experiencing.

I’ve helped many men where we’ve needed to review how things are outside of the bedroom before sorting the psychological issues that are creating the physical issues. Whatever the psychological cause, things can be improved.

Premature Ejaculation

As with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation is something usually rooted in the mind. Sometimes it has always been a thing and sometimes it happens and then that becomes more of a psychological issue for you that creates a mass of internal anxiety, worry and tension about intercourse and intimacy. You worry about things happening too speedily and both your and your partner ending up disappointed and frustrated.

Of course, we are assuming here you have realistic expectations about how long things should take and not some distorted idea from a movie or something else you’ve been watching online that is based more on entertainment than reality. Your partner may not even be that bothered if you are still attentive to their needs. Yet, whether they are bothered or not, you almost certainly will be if it has become a repeated pattern. And just like with erectile dysfunction, you may find that when you masterbate the problem doesn’t even arise.

So there may be a sense of rushing things when you are with a partner that has come from your own past experiences. Maybe you find yourself getting over excited too quickly. Or, it could be that you anticipate it happening, think about it too much, get over excited and then it happens again.

With premature ejaculation you need to learn how to calm things down a bit, to take your time and enjoy intimate sexual moments. You need to take your time and enjoy things rather than being fearful of things happening too soon. You need to foster being in the moment and in that sweet sport of excitement and arousal that lets things happen, balanced with being relaxed and calm enough to just let things happen.

Rather than needing to perform in some way, or to last a certain amount of time, you can again be in the moment, enjoy yourself, be focused on the person you are with and manage your levels of anxiety and excitement. As you calm things down and orchestrate your thoughts, you’ll find that things naturally start to happen in a way that pleases you.

Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation

If you are struggling with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation then it can have an impact on the kind of thoughts that dominate your mind, and upon how you feel in yourself. You may avoid intimate moments or feel anxious about them. It can prey on your mind as you dwell and overthink about things and worry about your ability to perform in the bedroom. Something that should be pleasurable and enjoyable for you and your partner can leave you feeling anxious, guilty, frustrated, low and disappointed. It can impact upon your self esteem and lead to you thinking negatively about yourself.

However, it is very possible to make changes to your thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions that break that pattern and that allow you to relax as you get and keep your erection, and as you relax take your time and find everything else takes more time too.

Now I recognise that the last thing you probably want to do is come and sit in a room with me and talk about all of your sex related problems. Yet, please do rest assured that I’ve helped many others who were once going through what you are going through now. We’ll work out what is happening that is creating or contributing to the ongoing problem and then start to put you back in control so that things move forward positively. And that’s got to be better than just carrying on doing what you are doing now, feeling disappointed about it all and missing out on so much enjoyment and fun.

To your health and happiness, 

Dan Regan

Award Winning Hypnotherapist in Ely & Newmarket

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