Why Being Self-Critical Damages Confidence (And What To Do Instead)

Do you have a tendency to be self-critical in your thinking?

Whether it’s a component and linked to anxiety, low confidence, low self esteem, depression or just struggling to cope with things, being self-critical is often there contributing and exacerbating how bad you feel. You may generally be negative towards yourself, who you and what you do. Or you may find that when faced with an adversity or challenge, you go back to putting yourself down, blaming yourself and believing that you are at the cause of all of your struggles.

Being self critical can contribute to all sorts of mental health problems, as well as being a generally uncomfortable and unpleasant way to go around living inside of your own head. You can put yourself down, be harsh towards yourself, blame yourself and talk yourself out of doing things that you want to do.

 

Quick Summary

Many people speak to themselves in ways they would never speak to someone they care about.

In this article you’ll discover:

• why self-criticism becomes a habit
• how it affects confidence and anxiety
• why your inner critic often isn’t helping
• what self-compassion really means
• practical ways to become more supportive towards yourself

Being self-critical may feel motivating, but for many people it actually increases anxiety, self-doubt and emotional exhaustion.

 

Related Resources

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My Own Experience

When I struggled with social anxiety, I could be incredibly critical of myself.

I would replay conversations. Analyse mistakes. Focus on what I should have said.

And ignore everything that had gone well.

At the time I thought being critical would somehow help me improve.

In reality it mostly made me feel worse.

One of the biggest changes came when I started talking to myself in a more balanced and supportive way.

Not pretending everything was perfect. Just treating myself with the same fairness I would show somebody else.

 

Self Criticism

Yet you may find that your thinking and mindset is very different towards those you are close to. It may be that you encourage and believe in loved ones, considering them to be capable and wanting the best for them.

And if a stranger walked up to that loved one and starting putting them down, telling them they weren’t good enough and they were a waste of space, would you just idly stand by and let that happen? Or would you tell them to do one and then reassure your close other that those things were nonsense? And if you wouldn’t let a stranger be critical towards a loved one, why on earth would you put up with being that negative and critical to yourself in your own head all of the time?

It’s a point I expand upon in this super short video. Click and have a watch here:

 

You wouldn’t let someone you care about take it from a stranger, so don’t let yourself take it from yourself! Start being nicer to yourself and more fair and balanced in your own thinking and self assessments.

Part of becoming nicer to yourself in your own self-talk and own judgement of yourself involves self-compassion.

Self-compassion refers to  having an accepting and caring orientation towards oneself. It’s about being kind to yourself and being able to use self-reassurance and self-soothing in times of adversity. It includes being non-judgmental about yourself and recognising your experience as part of the human condition. Being kinder to yourself and less self-critical, means you will likely feel more comfortable in your own skin and more at peace and relaxed in who you are, what you do and in what you consider to be important. You’ll feel worthy of your achievements and successes.  And you’ll recognise that sometimes the things you do don’t go to plan and mistakes can happen, and even if you feel disappointment from this for a while, you’ll be able to demonstrate resilience and learn from it. Healthy self compassion has, unsurprisingly, been associated with beneficial effects on mental health and well-being.

In contrast, negative self rumination and being self-critical involve being harsh and judgmental about yourself and is associated with feeling isolated and exacerbating a sense of threat in difficult times. It’s been associated with many mental health problems, including anxiety and depression. When things go wrong, or when faced with challenges, you may struggle with anxiety, self-doubt and feelings of lowness.

I’ve covered more about self-compassion, research backed ways to promote it, and how it can help counter being self-critical in these two articles:

Why You Should Be Kind To Yourself – The Benefits of Self-Compassion 

Self Compassion and Social Anxiety

 

Why Self-Criticism Doesn’t Work

Many people assume self-criticism keeps them motivated.

However, the reality is often very different.

When people constantly tell themselves:

• I’m useless
• I’m not good enough
• I’ll never manage it
• Everyone else is better than me

they usually don’t become more motivated.

They become

• more anxious.
• more doubtful.
• more likely to avoid challenges.

Healthy confidence grows through encouragement, learning and resilience rather than constant self-attack.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Criticism

Why am I so critical of myself?

Many people learn self-critical thinking patterns from early experiences, relationships, perfectionism or anxiety. Some people put themselves down as a form of self-protection, almost as though criticising themselves first will somehow soften criticism from other people.. Over time these thoughts can become automatic.

Can self-criticism cause anxiety?

Very often. Constantly focusing on mistakes, flaws and perceived shortcomings can increase anxiety, self-doubt and stress.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding and support that you would offer someone you care about.

Is self-compassion just letting yourself off the hook?

No. Self-compassion still allows you to learn, improve and take responsibility. The difference is that it does so without attacking yourself. You become more comfortable in your skin and accepting of yourself – this helps you to move forwards construcitvely.

Can hypnotherapy help with self-criticism?

Many people find hypnotherapy helps reduce self-doubt, anxiety and negative thinking while increasing confidence, self-belief and emotional resilience.

 

You Don’t Need To Be Your Own Worst Critic

Many people spend years believing they need to be harsh on themselves to succeed.

In reality, the opposite is often true.

The more supportive, balanced and compassionate you become towards yourself, the easier it becomes to move forward, handle setbacks and build genuine confidence.

If anxiety, self-criticism, low confidence or fear of failure have been affecting your life, support is available.

You can learn more here:

• Confidence & Self-Esteem Hub
• Anxiety Support Hub
• Confidence & Self-Esteem Hypnotherapy in Ely
• Hypnotherapy Reviews in Ely

Or arrange a free initial consultation to discuss what might help.

To your health and happiness,

Dan Regan

Anxiety & Confidence Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket

 

Struggling with anxiety, confidence, low self-esteem and being self-critical? Find out how I can help you with a Complimentary Hypnotherapy Strategy Session. Learn more here: Appointments

Find out what dozens of other people have said after their hypnotherapy sessions with Dan: Hypnotherapy Testimonials

And check out these powerful hypnosis downloads that can start helping you right away with anxiety, confidence and more: Hypnosis Downloads