Public Speaking Anxiety – Hypnotherapy Vlog

Hello, it’s Dan here. Now in the last couple of videos, I’ve talked about the research that shows we have a tendency to over-estimate how much our appearance and actions are noted by others. They’re far less aware, other people, of what we’re doing and our behaviours, and how we look, than we think they are. I’ve also talked about how our internal states, again, we over-estimate how much of how we’re feeling inside, our thoughts, feelings, sensations, how much of that leaks out and is apparent to other people.

And really it turns out that we are much better at concealing how we feel on the inside than we think is actually the case. Other people are not picking up on that anywhere near as much as you think they probably will. And that’s particularly true with thinks like anxiety, nervousness, disgust, all those strong emotions. People are not picking up on what’s going on inside of us, we feel it very strongly, we assume it must be leaking out because we start from that focal point of how strongly we feel it but, even though we allow for the fact that they don’t know exactly what’s going on inside of us, we still over-estimate it, which means that we don’t need to be worrying about that stuff to anywhere near the degree that we do. Most of our fears and worries in these kind of areas are misplaced, exaggerated, unnecessary and really you want to mainly disregard those things and get on with what you want to be doing.

And one area where this is particularly prevalent is in terms of public speaking. And, again, I’m building on research here. The research is there that shows that this is a thing. We think that kind of anxiety, and many people get anxiety about public speaking, the presentation, the speech. You’re called upon to do something and automatically feel nervous and anxious about it. Whether you suffer from general anxiety anyway or whether it’s specifically around public speaking, it’s way up there on the list of people’s fears and worries.

And because it’s so strong, that kind of worry, that nervousness, you don’t want to look anxious, you’re worried that other people will pick up on it, they’ll pick up that you feel uncomfortable, or you’re bit shaky, or maybe worried about how your voice will come across, or you won’t say things in the right way, and you think those thoughts, those feelings, those sensations must be leaking out, they must be apparent to other people. But, it turns out from the research and from lots of other areas I’ve spoken about in these videos, that’s not the case.

And public speaking like I say, really is a key area. If it applies there in terms of the anxiety, in terms of speaking in public, it’s going to apply to anxiety across the board because a lot of other things are not at that level where you’re in the spotlight. People are looking at you, people are listening to you, paying attention to you, yet still they’re not picking up on the kind of nervousness, the anxiety that you might think you’re experiencing on the inside. And what can happen is, of course, you don’t want to come across as anxious, you don’t want them to be able to pick up on it, in an environment where you’re speaking in front of people, you want to come across well.

But, because you think that strong emotion, that strong anxiety that you’re experiencing on the inside, you think it must be apparent to others, it’s so strong, you can feel it there, you’re aware that your heart’s beating a bit faster, your mouth might be a bit dry, maybe you feel a bit shaky, on edge. You think it must, it’s so strong, it must be leaking out, it must be being picked up by others and because you don’t want to come across as being anxious, you don’t want other people to know you feel anxious, you feel even more anxious. I feel anxious, other people must be picking up on it, that in itself makes you feel more anxious. Then feeling more anxious means, of course, you worry about it even more so it starts to escalate in that worrying about what other people are thinking, what they’re picking up, and they’ll notice you’re anxious, makes you feel more anxious, which makes you worry about it even more, which makes you feel even more anxious.

So, it’s one of those kind of cycles of anxiety where the thoughts lead to the feelings, lead to more thoughts and more feelings and it just accelerates and grows and magnifies. And that’s there in the research, people delivering public speaking in front of others, feeling anxious about it, feeling nervous about it, rated themselves as coming across as more nervous and anxious than was actually the case in terms of how they were rated by the people who were there observing them. And they assumed more stuff of what they were experiencing inside was leaking out so other people must be picking up on that anxiety whereas, in fact, they weren’t picking up on it, it was being over-estimated in their own perceptions because they felt it so strongly themselves and they assumed other people would be picking up on it when, in fact, they weren’t.

And here’s the great thing in terms of this research, when people were told, people who delivered public speaking were told their anxiety wasn’t picked up by other people, from the research, anywhere near as much as they might expect, that it doesn’t leak out in that way, that it’s not as apparent to observers as much as they think it is, well guess what, that led to them being more relaxed, they perceived their own performance as being much better, they felt they came across better, and the observers rated their performance as even better.

So just knowing that other people aren’t picking up on this stuff, whether it is, as in this research, in terms of public speaking, speech anxiety, whether it’s in terms of other anxious situations where you might be in front of other people, you can think of situations like if you’re in a meeting, or a social situation, there are other people around, maybe you do feel a bit nervous, a bit anxious, the chances are other people aren’t picking up on that anywhere near as much as you think they are. They’re not aware of those inner thoughts, feelings, perceptions that are going through you. You feel it strongly, you assume it leaks out, you assume it’s apparent to them but, in fact, you’re probably over-estimating that and probably those concerns are just misplaced.

So knowing about this, again whether it’s public speaking or whether it’s another area around anxious stuff, keep in mind the stuff you’re experiencing on the inside is nowhere near being picked up as much by other people as you think it’s going to be, which means that you can discount those thoughts, clear them from your mind, means that you’ll feel more relaxed, you’ll feel better, you can do things, you can be more in that moment without all those concerns exacerbating your anxiety. So, just knowing about this means that you can escape that spiral of anxiety that happens when you feel anxious, and you worry other people are picking up on it, which makes you feel even more anxious.

You can escape that spiral, knowing that other people aren’t picking up on those things, that it’s not as apparent as you thought it was, that generally you’re over-estimating it, that it’s often misplaced, means that you can escape that spiral of becoming more and more anxious about other people noticing you’re anxious. And, in fact, you can just dampen that stuff, you can bring it down those levels because that is not a factor of what’s going on.

And, like I say, whether it’s speech stuff, speech anxiety, speaking in front of other people, even if you do feel a bit nervous, a bit anxious about it, other people aren’t picking up on it and that’s going to carry over into many other situations where you might be called upon to speak in front of other people, where you’re worried about being anxious, and people picking up on these things. We already know, from the things I’ve talked about in previous videos, people aren’t picking up on how you look, on your appearance, on your behaviour, your mishaps, when you do something wrong, or you mess up in some way, people aren’t picking up on those in other situations and they’re not picking up on the stuff that’s inside of you, the anxious thoughts, feelings, sensations that you might have in something like when you’re in the spotlight of public speaking, or in any other area, so escape the spiral of anxiety.

Discount those things, dampen those things, be aware of those things, remind yourself that people are not picking up on those things, they’re not apparent to other people, they’re not being noted by other people anywhere near as much as you were probably thinking, so escape from that stuff. Remind yourself, reassure yourself and that means that, as you go places, even if you do feel a bit anxious, you’re not going to be exacerbating it. And in many cases, you can just relax, just get on with it, the stuff that you want to do without all those worries, fear of failure, being judged, the messing up, people thinking it’s apparent that you are anxious, you can escape those things by having that knowledge.

And research supports it, it’s out there, you can find it. If you want to find it, message me and I can tell you where to find it. Let all that stuff fill your mind instead of all those kind of unnecessary, useless thoughts, worries, anxieties that you may have been having around what people are picking up on. And enjoy stuff, get out there, do the things you want to do knowing that other people aren’t picking up on that stuff, that it’s not leaking out, and that you are much better at concealing those things if you want to than you think you are. I’ll leave you with that, and I wish you a good day and I will speak to you very soon. Take care now.

Dan Regan

21 August 2019

Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket

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