Comparing Yourself To Others & Self-Esteem

We’ve probably always done it, yet comparing yourself to others has hit boom time with the rise of social media. I like to think that, had he been alive today, Shakespeare would have changed his sonnet from ‘shall I compare thee to a summer’s day’ to ‘shall I compare how I feel and my own self-worth to your Instagram and Facebook profiles.’

Now before anyone accuses me of blaming social media for leading us to compare ourselves with others, I’m not, and I should know it’s been around longer because it’s something I used to do incessantly before I’d ever heard of Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and so on. There were times I could barely force myself out of the front door because of my anxiety-fuelled comparisons with others and worry about what they might think about me (and it was never something good).

Yet there’s no denying that these days it’s easier than ever to compare our own thoughts, feelings, perceptions and levels of self-esteem with the filtered, published results that someone chooses to portray online. We compare our inner self worth with someone else’s carefully selected public profile. And if you are going through a hard time right now, then those images of smiley, happy people enjoying every moment of life can only make you feel a bit worse (after all, how come everyone else is so happy and you’re not, right?).

It’s something that comes up in my office, and I can reference a recent client where such a thing was adding to her feelings of low self-esteem.

 

Quick Summary

People often compare their:

• appearance
• success
• confidence
• relationships
• careers
• social lives

In this article you’ll discover:

• why comparison feels so powerful
• how social media amplifies comparison
• why comparison damages confidence
• how anxiety fuels negative comparison
• practical ways to break the cycle

Many people assume everyone else has their life sorted. The reality is usually very different.

 

Related Resources

• Confidence & Self-Esteem Hub
• Anxiety Hub
• Why Approval Seeking Keeps Anxiety Going
• Impostor Syndrome
• How To Tame Your Inner Critic
• Hypnotherapy Reviews in Ely

 

Comparing Yourself To Others

In her case, it was seeing a photo of her ex-partner looking happier than ever with his new partner. As she wasn’t in a good place when she saw the image, it added to her thoughts of not being good enough or worrying that she would never find a new relationship where she could be happy. But of course we know that just because someone doesn’t share it, EVERYONE has their own issues, challenges, worries and stresses. Behind every (carefully selected and filtered) photo and post, you will find the same insecurities, worries and stresses that affect us all at some time or other.

I’ve talked a bit more about comparing yourself to others in this short vlog:

 

Watch Comparing Yourself To Others on You Tube

 

So when you do find yourself comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you are comparing everything about you with just a little of what they share about themselves.

Sometimes we also find ourselves comparing in real life too (rather than just online). I’ve had times when I’ve found myself envious about someone who can run faster than me at running club or someone at bootcamp who can two burpees to every one of mine! It could just as easily be someone who you think presents better or is more organised or seems to get more done or any other form of comparison that leaves you feeling worse. Yet of course they can never be you – the unique mix that makes you individual (you’re the best at being you in the whole world! I guarantee it!!).

So instead of thinking they are better than you, take some time to ask yourself what you can learn from how they do things. what can you learn from their mindset and behaviours that could help you move towards your goals? And then once you have these, start to incorporate them into what you do, in a way that fits with who you are and who you want to be.

You can only ever aim to be better today than you were yesterday. What someone else may or may not do is something you can learn from so that you move forward and you get to feel better from comparing yourself to others.

 

One Thing I Learned About Comparison

When I struggled with anxiety and low confidence, comparison was something I did all the time.

• At running club there were always people faster than me.
• At bootcamp there were always people stronger than me.
• In business there were people more successful than me.

The problem was there will always be somebody ahead of you somewhere.

If your confidence depends on being better than everybody else, confidence becomes impossible.

What helped me was learning to compare myself with who I used to be rather than with everybody around me.

 

Why Social Media Makes Comparison Worse

Comparing yourself to other people is nothing new. Human beings have probably been doing it for as long as there have been human beings.

What has changed is how often we are exposed to other people’s lives.

Social media gives us access to a constant stream of carefully selected highlights: holidays, achievements, new relationships, promotions, fitness goals, happy family moments, smiling photos.

The problem is that we often compare these carefully edited highlights with the full reality of our own lives.

We compare:

• our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel
• our worries with their smiles
• our bad days with their best days
• our insecurities with their confidence

That is never going to be a fair comparison. No wonder it can make you feel worse.

One thing worth remembering is that most people are not posting their worries, self-doubt, relationship struggles, sleepless nights or anxious moments. They are usually only posting the parts they want you to see.

When anxiety or low confidence are already present, social media can easily become a source of negative self-comparison.

You may find yourself thinking:

• “Everyone else seems happier than me.”
• “Everyone else has their life sorted.”
• “Everyone else is more confident.”
• “Everyone else is doing better.”

In reality, most people are dealing with challenges but you simply don’t get to see them.

The healthiest comparison is usually not with somebody else.

It is with the person you were yesterday, last month or last year.

That comparison often tells a much more accurate and encouraging story.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Comparing Yourself To Others

Why do I compare myself to other people?

Comparison is a normal human tendency. We naturally look to other people for information about how we are doing. Problems arise when those comparisons become overly negative, distorted, unrealistic or damaging to confidence.

Is comparing myself to others linked to anxiety?

Very often. Anxiety can make people more self-conscious, more focused on perceived shortcomings and more likely to compare themselves negatively with others. You doubt yourself more and view yourself as not being good enough.

Why does social media make me feel worse about myself?

Social media often shows carefully selected highlights rather than the full reality of people’s lives. Comparing your everyday reality with someone else’s edited highlights can easily damage confidence and self-esteem.

How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

The first step is noticing when it happens. Then try shifting your attention from “How do I compare to them?” to “What can I learn from them?” or even better,”How have I improved compared to where I used to be?”

Is it ever helpful to compare myself to others?

It can be. If comparison inspires learning, growth and motivation it can be useful. Problems arise when comparison leads to self-criticism, feelings of inadequacy or the belief that you are somehow not good enough.

Why do comparisons affect my confidence so much?

Many people base their self-worth on how they measure up against others. The more confidence depends on external comparisons, the more fragile it becomes. Healthy confidence tends to come from self-acceptance, personal growth and trusting your own abilities. You are not the supporting cast in thier life, you are the main character in yours.

Can hypnotherapy help with low confidence and comparison?

Many people find hypnotherapy helps reduce anxiety, fear of judgement, self-doubt and negative thinking patterns while increasing confidence, self-belief and emotional resilience.

 

Reassurance

If you find yourself comparing your life to everyone else’s, you’re not broken and you’re certainly not alone.

Most people only show a carefully edited version of their life.

Very few people share their worries, insecurities, setbacks and struggles.

The goal isn’t becoming better than everyone else. The goal is becoming more comfortable being yourself.

And when you stop constantly measuring yourself against other people, confidence often begins to grow naturally.

 

Support for Confidence

If anxiety, self-criticism, low confidence or fear of failure have been affecting your life, support is available.

You can learn more here:

• Confidence & Self-Esteem Hub
• Anxiety Support Hub
• Confidence & Self-Esteem Hypnotherapy in Ely
• Hypnotherapy Reviews in Ely

Or arrange a free initial consultation to discuss what might help.

To your health and happiness,

Dan Regan

Anxiety & Confidence Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket

 

Struggling with anxiety, stress, worry, low self-esteem and fear and need some help? Find out how I can help with a Complimentary Hypnotherapy Strategy Session. Learn more here: Appointments

Find out what dozens of other people have said after their hypnotherapy sessions with Dan: Hypnotherapy Testimonials

And check out these powerful hypnosis downloads that can start helping you right away with anxiety, confidence and more: Hypnosis Downloads