Combating Social Anxiety This Festive Season

Do you need some help combating social anxiety this festive season?

Christmas and the New Year are meant to be a time for connection, laughter and celebration. Every advert, TV programme and Christmas film shows people enjoying their time with others. It can bring a sense of pressure that you must enjoy yourself on social occasions. But for many people, the festive season brings a rise in their social anxiety.

If you struggle with social anxiety then the thought of work parties, family gatherings, meeting new people or other social events can leave you feeling tense, nervous and on edge even when just thinking about these situations. The nearer the situations get the more anxious you feel, and the more you may feel inclined to find an excuse to cancel. Avoidance brings temporary relief but your patterns of social anxiety rumble on. On the flip side, going to events can be exhausting as you struggle to cope with anxious feelings and the constant overthinking.

With social anxiety, there are so many perceived pitfalls over the festive season. You might worry about not having anything interesting to say, or saying the wrong thing. You may worry about being judged negatively for how you look, what you do or what you say. You overthink everything during social situations with that anxious inner commentary getting in the way. And then afterwards you replay every word, gesture and action and worry about what others may be thinking about you. It’s enough to make you dread events and want to avoid them altogether.

I’ve covered before how I used to suffer with social anxiety. I would worry incessantly about what others thought of me and what I said or did. Every interaction felt like a potential opportunity to mess up or be judged. Around people I trusted, I could relax and be myself. Around others, I’d overthink, tense-up and second-guess everything. It was exhausting.

The festive season can be a social anxiety minefield. You’re expected to go to some of the events you’d rather skip. Maybe you’d like to feel relaxed and comfortable around others. Yet you just know that the social anxiety will strangle any enjoyment and stop you from being your normal self. So how do you go about combating social anxiety this festive season?

 

Festive Social Anxiety Overwhelm

During the year, social occasions can come and go. Maybe you go to some of them yet somehow, it’s easier and more acceptable to have other plans (or at least to say you have other plans). However, that can all shift over the Christmas and New Year festive period. You can come under a lot of pressure and expectation that you will attend social events (and enjoy them).

Your social anxiety fills your mind with worry and dread. Yet, if you don’t attend work, family or other events then your anxiety can make you think people are thinking negatively of you for not being there. It’s a no win situation. Go and feel anxious, or stay away and still feel bad. Whatever you do, or don’t do, that little voice in your head thinks the worst about people judging you and criticising you.

If you experience social anxiety, then you can find yourself imagining all sorts of negative worst cases. You feel uncertain and worried about how things will go and how you will be. You may play out whole situations and conversations in your head.

You can battle with a whole wave of anxious thoughts:

• What if I can’t think of anything to say or say the wrong thing?
• What if people think I’m boring, awkward or too quiet?
• What if other people can tell how anxious I am?
• What if I say or do something stupid and they think I’m an idiot?

And on and on these types of thoughts can run. You may even start to think about how terrible it will be afterwards if you have to see these people again and they think so negatively about you. Your social anxiety runs from one thought to the next, each filling you with more and more fear and dread.

Your thoughts spiral and you can find yourself with a racing heart, sweaty palms and a blank mind. Your inner self-talk can even stop you listening properly to others, making it even harder to have a positive conversation. You may scan around, seeking signs that others are judging you. And maybe you also check out the exits and toilets in case you need to escape it all. The more you try and focus on doing things right and worrying what others think, the more anxious you can feel. It gets harder and harder to relax and enjoy yourself.

Now, some of the festive events may have alcohol involved. For some that helps calm their social anxiety for a while. You relax and enjoy yourself. Yet it is easy to over do it in ways you find yourself dwelling upon as you think back over things afterwards or the next day. And, of course, you can;t always rely on alcohol to quieten your mind enough in every situation.

Logically you know that people are far too busy thinking about themselves and their own lives to overly focus on what you are saying or doing. But anxiety always triumphs over logic. Your imagination and thinking continues to be filled with social anxiety and worry.

There’s more about this subject in these articles:

Anxiety and Worrying What Other People Think

Why You Should Probably Worry Less About What Other People Think About You – The Research on Fear of Failure and Being Judged

Do Others Judge You As Harshly As You Think When You Mess Up? Anxiety & Fear of Failure

 

From Social Anxiety To Calmness and Confidence

Like all anxiety, social anxiety is made up of a pattern of habitual thoughts, feelings and behaviours. In similar situations, you respond in the same way. Around this you build the anticipation of it happening before events and then the negative reflection after situations. It becomes layer upon layer of worrying what people think and fear about being criticised and judged.

As I  know from my own experience and that of my clients, it is very possible to successfully change that pattern to something more empowering and beneficial. You can ditch beliefs about not being good enough and start moving forward feeling comfortable in your own skin. You can start feeling good about who and how you are.

Combined with social anxiety hypnotherapy, these steps can start to help you to relax and feel better around other people:

1. Do A Bit of Prep

You may find that if you have a few easy conversation topics in mind that this can help. Things like recent films, local events, festive plans and so on can help get things going so you can relax about having things to talk about. Having a few topic ideas can give you a  little confidence before going into a social setting. However, avoid the social anxious tendency to be too rigid or scripted. It’s about friendly conversation, you aren’t there to be insightful and entertaining with every sentence. Remember, in any conversation, the other person has to play their part too.

2. Be Curious

Social anxiety can make you worry that others think you are boring or weird. You can try too hard to counter your own perceptions. Your job is to be interested in the other person, not interesting. Focus on being curious and ask a few questions about them. Focus on the other person instead of getting lost in your own inner dialogue. Listen and aim to let things flow naturally (like you would if you were with a close friend who you feel totally comfortable around).

3. Challenge Those ‘What If’ Thoughts

Social anxiety causes you to assume the worst, that everyone is judging you harshly. That suggests that all these people are really not very nice people at all (in which case, who cares what mean people think cause they’ll think badly of everyone whatever they do or say). Of course, you know that most people are much nicer than that (after all you don’t judge people harshly so why would others, right?).

But, anyway, social anxiety thrives on those what if thoughts, what if you say something stupid, what if they don’t like you and so on. When you notice these thoughts you need to interrupt them and cut them off. Ask yourself if there is any real evidence for thinking that? Are you just making up what is going on inside someone else’s head? Have you been in similar situations before and it all turned out fine? If you’re read the linked articles above then you know that when it comes to what others think, our brains get it pretty wrong. Remind yourself that the brain noise is just habitual thoughts and not facts.

4. Calm Your Feelings

When you feel anxious, all those uncomfortable feelings start to affect your body. Your heart can pound, you feel hot and sweaty, you feel tense and agitated. When you are very anxious, your mind goes blank, making it even harder to connect with others socially. And, you probably worry about people noticing how uncomfortable and awkward you feel (making your social anxiety even more intense).

As you calm your anxious feelings, you feel more relaxed and you can think and focus more easily. Practice slowing your breathing (in for 4, hold for 2, out for 6), deliberately drop your shoulders and relax your jaw, and start focusing on the sights and sounds around you. These can help to ease physical symptoms of social anxiety this festive season and allow you to feel more comfortable.

5. Use The Power of your Mind: 

Your social anxiety creates a strong anticipation of things going badly when you go to social events. No wonder you feel dread and fear. However, you can use the power of your focus and imagination to deliberately start creating an expectation of things going well. Before your next social event, take a few calming breaths and start visualising yourself feeling calm, relaxed and comfortable around others. Repeat this several times. Imagine the whole event going well, you deal with whatever comes up calmly and all the way through to when you leave afterwards feeling pleased with how successfully things went.

 

Social Anxiety Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket

The steps above are all part of how you can combat social anxiety this festive season so you can relax and enjoy yourself a bit more. Your upcoming social occasions are an opportunity to start changing how you think and feel. You are seeking to try out some small progressive steps to start influencing what you do and how you do it.

Most people with social anxiety also find that hypnotherapy helps them to break the cycle of worry. Alongside practical actions, social anxiety hypnotherapy can help you to change your beliefs and expectations, as well as your habitual thoughts, feelings and actions. Just as you would with a loved one or close friend, you can learn how to feel comfortable around other people in whatever social setting.

You don’t have to let social anxiety spoil your enjoyment or stop you from doing things. You can relax and enjoy connecting with others, without that old self-criticism or fear of judgement.

If you find that social situations cause you ongoing worry or avoidance, hypnotherapy for social anxiety can help you change those automatic thought patterns and build lasting confidence.

There’s more about hypnotherapy for anxiety here: Hypnotherapy for Anxiety.

Or if you’d like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help you feel calmer and more confident this festive season (and beyond), please do get in touch as ask to book your free initial consultation. I’ll look forward to meeting you.

To your health and happiness,

Dan Regan

Social Anxiety Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket

 

Find out more about anxiety hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket: Anxiety Hypnotherapy

Could you use some help with your anxiety? Struggling with anxiety, stress, worry and fear and need some help? Find out how I can help with a Complimentary Anxiety Hypnotherapy Strategy Session. Learn more here: Appointments

Find out what hundreds of other people have said after their anxiety hypnotherapy sessions with Dan: Hypnotherapy Testimonials

And check out these popular and powerful hypnosis downloads that can start helping you right away with anxiety, confidence and more: Hypnosis Downloads