Some Thoughts On Grief – New Hypnotherapy Vlog

This weekend marked the Armistice 2018 and a chance to take some time to remember those who served during the First World War, on the centenary of its conclusion, along with paying tribute and remembering those who have served in other conflicts on behalf of their country.

Here in Ely there was a march to lay wreaths at the Memorial and, in the evening, there was a Beacon of Light service that included the playing of the Last Post, a very well observed two minutes’ silence and the lighting of the new beacon, along with the ringing out of the Church bells. It really was a very moving and poignant reminder of 100 years since the signing of the Armistice.

I always think it’s very important that we all pay tribute and take a few moments on this day and it was very pleasing to hear my kids talking about it from things they had learnt at school.

As well as paying tribute to those who have served and, in many cases, given the ultimate sacrifice, this past week has marked the fifth anniversary of the death of my father from cancer, which has naturally led to me thinking about grief and the loss of a loved one. I’ve recorded a short video about some of my thoughts around grief that I share with you below.

The first lighting of the beacon in Ely was a very special opportunity to pay tribute on Armistice Day 2018:

And it was a moment to help ensure that younger generations continue to remember them:

Dealing With Grief

This past week marked the fifth anniversary of the passing of my Dad, a day which is always a bit tricky for me as many of those moments over his last days in hospital seem like they could have been yesterday.

Let’s make no mistake, losing someone you love from your life is tough. Yes, those first days, weeks and perhaps months are definitely the hardest of all but it’s ok to still feel some of that pain years later. If that pain, sadness and sense of loss is impacting on your ability to function then you really should seek support to help you, yet even for those of us who can function, there will be those moments when it really hits our awareness.

For me, there really are some specific triggers that can leave me holding back tears, with a lump in my throat and that ache in my chest. When I hear Tom Jones singing ‘It’s Not Unusual’ my mind goes back to my wedding and how happy my Dad was as he did his thing on the dancefloor, with a huge beaming smile on his face. When Wales play in the rugby Six Nations I still miss being able to phone him up afterwards and celebrate or commiserate together – “it’s only a game” he would say, in response to my emotional outbursts about what had taken place.

Others who have lost someone often tell me how they feel they ‘should have gotten over it’ by now or how ‘it’s ridiculous’ that they still get emotional or even how others have told them how they ‘need to get over it’ or move on from it. And for some, some aspects of these may be valid. Yet I think that it’s a positive thing that we still hold on to the love for that person and still miss them because of the impact they had on our lives.

I like to think that my Dad lives on in how I chose to live my life. Many of his values are there in how I live my life each and every day. In that sense, he is never far away and is still part of my life.

And we all need to make sure that we remember that the final act, that final page of their life when they took their last breath on this earth, is not their whole life. It is not them and everything they thought, felt and valued. It’s just the last page in the novel of their life. Yet we wouldn’t read a book by just looking at the final paragraphs. In any story there are twists and turns, the expected and the unexpected, moments of happiness and moments of pain. So even as we feel that loss so keenly, we can still take time to remember some of those moments. I can chose to deliberately remember and feel joy at having shared those moments. My mind goes back to walks in the sun on holiday, the moment I crossed the line at the Cardiff marathon and looked up to see his proud face and the look on his face when he first held my daughter. These are special moments, these are life and they should not be forgotten by only looking at the last page of the book.

You may or may not agree with my thoughts on this but I’ve recorded this short video where I expand on the subject of dealing with grief (click on the image):

I hope that you found that video useful and I’m always interested to hear from you so please do let me know (dan@danreganhypnotherapy.co.uk).

With my very best wishes,

Dan Regan

Hypnotherapy in Ely & Newmarket 

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With my Dad: