Worrying what other people think

Hello, it’s Dan here. I am still here in the forest, not lost at the moment, thankfully. If you’ve seen my previous videos over the last few days or whatever, you’ll know that I’ve been massively lost in the forest. Forests are quite big aren’t they, and trees all kind of look the same. I know I need to go over there, where I’m pointing is where the path, the path to civilisation is. But it’s a fantastic place. I love running out in nature. I’ve seen deer, I’ve seen horses, it’s an absolutely brilliant place. It’s so quiet. I’ve only seen about half a dozen people in the kind of hour or so I’ve been out. Absolutely wonderful.

But today I just want to say a few words about worrying about what people think. Now if you wear a bright fluorescent T-shirt to go for your run, you probably don’t worry too much what people think, because you get noticed, I’ll tell you that. And even horses notice and one just charged off somewhere else when he saw my T-shirt. No taste that horse, no taste. Look it’s got Ely Cathedral on it, spreading the word.

But anyway back to what I was talking about, worrying about what people think. I was talking to a client the other day that worry had been there all her life, it becomes habitual, it comes to dominate your thoughts, it’s where I used to be when I suffered with anxiety, low self esteem, didn’t want to say the wrong thing, overthinking stuff before you do stuff, worrying about fear of failure so not going and doing stuff and making excuses, then justifying it to yourself for not doing it. And if you’re happy doing what you’re doing, then be happy. You don’t have to be like everyone else. What sort of world would it be if we were all just the same, and all liked all the same things, and all had the same opinions. It’s not the sort of world that any of us would want. But everyone has an opinion and most people, I would say, are pretty nice people. There are a few who aren’t. That may just be because they’re trying to belittle others to make themselves feel better because of their own stuff going on. So you don’t want any part of that. You want to start challenging the kind of stuff in your mind, and going what are the facts here and what is just my habitual way of thinking, what’s just my perception, and really start challenging the stuff in your mind around what other people think. What’s fact and what’s perception. Start getting objective. Start thinking could I be wrong about what that person meant, could I be wrong about what I think of it, how I think other people are going to think, would other people think in this way about this particular thing, could there be other explanations.

Certainly, when you get another opinion, and again this conversation I had with a client the other day, there are other ways of looking at things, when you start kind of going hang on a minute, could that mean something completely opposite, could that thing that you thought was someone being nosy and interfering, could actually that be a compliment that they were trying to find out how you do something so well without saying it directly, which in that case I am pretty certain it was, and changed that client’s way of thinking. So we want to break down facts, be objective and notice stuff in that way, rather than just letting our perceptions take over.

And linked to that, and I’ve talked about this before in other videos and on my website, all the research shows that other people are far too busy thinking about what they’re doing, and how they’re coming across, and what they’re saying, and their issues and concerns in their life, to be spending as much time as you think they might be on you. It’s easy to think, particularly with social media, that everyone is interested in everyone else, and to an extent maybe but it’s very fleeting, they move on very quickly. They’re busy thinking about their own concerns and what they need to do, and their own kind of thoughts around things.

And even if you go out there  and try something and you push past any fear of worry, or what other people might think, or fear of failure, again the research shows that people are pretty supportive, and empathetic, they’ve been there, they understand, people generally, especially close people, people who want the best for you, they want the best for you, they want you to do well, they’re not going to come down hard on you, they’re not going to think worse of you, in fact, they’ll probably think better of you for going out there and trying something however it comes off. If it goes off well, they should be pleased for you. If it doesn’t come off, they should be supportive, empathetic and be that kind of foundation for you because they want the best for you.

So worrying about what people think, first of all you’re probably wrong, psychology and research says you are probably overestimating it anyway. Secondly, if it did go wrong, people are generally supportive. And thirdly start, like I say, challenging it, what are the facts, what’s just perception, and really start kind of letting go of that stuff that holds you back and you’re going to feel a lot better for it. If you want to, put a fluorescent T-shirt on and run around the woods, you’ll see some people that wonder what’s you’re doing, especially when you get back into the village and they start looking at your T-shirt, and you stand out like a beacon. I was going to say you’re not going to get lost in this, but I did, in a forest. So it turns out you can get lost in a fluorescent T-shirt, even though you stand out like a beacon. Glow in the dark, I appreciate this glows in the dark. I’m hoping I’ll be back before I find out.

But you take care of yourself, like I say, ditch that whatever people think, and just start fixing on what you want to do. Get out there, try it, challenge any unwanted thoughts, start filling your mind with more helpful, positive stuff about how you are good enough, how you can do it, how you’ll cope with it, how you’ll be okay, how you’re getting better as a person for trying that stuff. And live your life, be happy and I will speak to you very soon. Take care now.