How To Cope With A Smear Campaign

Today I’m writing about how to cope with a smear campaign.

I’ve written before about how we overestimate how much other people think about what we say and do. Other people spend much less time thinking about us than sometimes we expect and imagine. Anxiety, low confidence and low self esteem can cause us to worry unnecessarily about failing or messing up in some way.

But what if someone or some people are talking about you? What if they are doing it to deliberately try and damage your reputation in the eyes of other people? What happens if they are posting untrue things about you on social media that everyone else can read? Hoe do you cope with a smear campaign when somebody, or some people, are trying to tear you down?

Imagine being aware of the whispers, hints and outright accusations about you. In a world of social media, false word spreads. It seems like people are shifting their glances and not answering your messages. You feel misunderstood, misrepresented and attacked. Not for things you did, but based on what others say you did. This is the painful power of a smear campaign.

I should know. I’ve been there. And if you are in this position, know that you are not powerless. The hurt, shock and confusion are real. But there are steps you can take to protect yourself, maintain your integrity and merge stronger. There is the internal mindset work you can do. And the external actions you can use to cope and rebuild.

 

Understanding What Is Happening

Before moving onto action to help you cope with a smear campaign, it helps to understand what you are facing.

A smear campaign is a deliberate, coordinated effort to damage someone’s reputation by spreading false, misleading or exaggerated claims about them.  It’s effectiveness depends upon belief, repetition and social leverage (that is, people trusting the source).

Often, a smear campaign is driven by fear, jealousy, power, control or anger. The desire to harm someone drives the ongoing nature of a smear campaign. The truth does not matter. It is emotionally driven power and control. Whilst some will apply intelligent critical reasoning to what they are told, many others will simply believe it because it has been said (repeatedly).

The emotional impact upon the target can be overwhelming. It can cause anxiety, fear, paranoia and self doubt. It can damage multiple aspects of life such as at work and socially.

I’ve been there and know just how bad it can feel to be targeted. At the end of my last relationship, I was subjected to all sorts of smears. I was said to have done all manner of things that either didn’t happen or didn’t happen as described. Things were made up, shared online and repeated over and over. I was labelled as being all sorts of things. Some people blindly bought into it all unconditionally and joined in with, what I would describe as post separation abuse. Others I knew went eerily silent. Month after month it continued.

Yet, despite the fear and hurt, I’m still here and emotionally and psychologically stronger than ever.  Part of that is because I know I have truth on my side. And part is due to the actions I cover below. Because how you respond internally matters just as much, if not more, than what you do outwardly.

 

5 Action Points: What You Can Do Now

Before the action points, there are some key things to keep in mind to help you cope with the smear campaign.

Always remind yourself of who you are. You know your values, your track record and your integrity. You know the truth. Let that self knowledge anchor you and strengthen you when others misrepresent and lie about you. Stay true to yourself.

You can’t control what they say and do. You can control your own sense of self, values and emotions. Remember, you don’t have to internalise every jab and punch directed at you. There will be some attacks that you can repel without internalising. For the others, it is normal to feel some hurt, yet you do not have to accept the message or let it change who you are.

Whilst you will have to deal with your own thoughts and feelings, you don’t have to do it all alone. Connect with people who know you, trust you, love you and support you. Some who you thought were in this category won’t be there for you. Yet others will be. I was systematically socially isolated for years and even I found these people and reconnected with others. These people will help you to dispel isolation, keep you grounded, and provide you with feedback.

Smear campaigns can be vicious and persistent. You will need to keep these things in mind and draw upon your endurance. It’s a process. But you can, and will, cope effectively and realise you are stronger, more confident and more resilient than you ever realised.

Here are five action points to help you with coping effectively:

 

1. Pause, Breathe, Assess Before Reacting

The person driving the smear campaign against you is fuelled by anger and fear. Their emotions drive what they say and do. The truth and facts aren’t important as they seek to quench their thirst for power and control over you.

Emotions make us think in black and white terms. We are much more likely to say and do things that we later regret. So when emotional storms hit you, you need to resist the instinct to react immediately. Doing so will play into the hands of your smearer and support their lies and misrepresentations.

There is no need to respond quickly, or sometimes even at all. Take time (hours or even days) before issuing a response. Let the emotions calm so you think with intelligence and logical reasoning. If helpful, you can write down what is true, what is false and what is unproven.  If helpful, write down what you instinctively want to respond with. They keep hold of it and come back to it another time when you can calm and composed (this gets some of it out of your head).

You can’t control what they do. You can’t control those who naively buy into it. Those who really know you won’t be fooled so easily. Ask yourself whether it is really worth responding.

Most importantly, give yourself time and space to act in your own best interests rather than in the heat of the moment.

 

2. Document Everything

If someone is spreading lies then keep a record and document everything.

Save screen shots, emails, texts and social media posts. Note down dates, times and anyone else who was there. Keep a log of the smears and anything to do with it.

If you have anything that counters what they are saying then keep this too. You may not need it, but if you do then you want it there.

If there are any legal proceedings then documentation strengthens your case against their lies. If nothing else it protects your memory in the face of their gas lighting and can help you retrain clarity.

 

3. Decide Your Communication Strategy

Remember, no matter what they are doing, you also have choices and chose the route that fits best for you.

You may choose to respond publicly if you think it is necessary.. As already mentioned, do so in a calm, factual manner. Run it past others you trust first.

You may choose to address matters privately with certain people who you respect and who may have been misled. Remember, you are not seeking to damage the other person, you are factually correcting the misrepresentations and falsehoods. When thinking of third parties, you may find that some trusted people are already vouching for you or sharing the truth on your behalf.

The other main option would be to stay silent and limit engagement. Sometimes silence denies the dram the oxygen it craves. People get bored of listening to one person becoming more and more desperate in their isolated bid to smear you.

Remember, you have the facts and truth on your side. You don’t need to try and match poison with venom.

 

4. Strengthen Your Inner Resilience

The smear campaign is an attack on your reputation and upon you personally. It is driven by a need for power and control. The smearer wants you to suffer.

To counter this, you need to invest time in looking after yourself. You might practice self compassion daily through affirmations, journaling and reminding yourself that you are worthy. You can use hypnosis and mental imagery to imagine being safe and protected and to strengthen your confidence and self esteem. Learn how to calm your emotions and interrupt overthinking and dwelling.

Remember you are not seeking to have everyone agree with you or to try and control things that you can’t control. Your goal is to maintain your integrity, values and indentity.

Purposefully invest time in activities that are good for your well-being. This may include exercise, time in nature, spending time with others or hobbies your enjoy. Do the things that fortify and replenish you.

As the waves of the smear storm rages, your goal is to stay steady and remain steadfast.

 

5. Seek Professional / Legal Help When Needed

If needed, you should seek professional support. Smear campaigns can cross lines into harassment and other civil/criminal issues. You may want to consult a solicitor to know your rights and options. You should certainly consider therapy to help you to process and navigate your thoughts, feelings, reactions and responses.

You don’t have to deal with it all on your own. You can call upon the skills, knowledge and resources of others to help you.

 

Cope with a Smear Campaign – You  Are Not Alone

The above steps are designed to help you to prevent emotional reactions, maintain clarity, protect yourself, stay organised and feel supported.

In my experience of working with people under emotional distress, combined with my personal experience, I’ve seen how powerful the ripple of falsehoods can be. When attacked, you can feel anxious and worried. Your confidence and self-esteem can fade. But I’ve also seen, and know, that you can recover, reclaim your voice, rebuild your reputation and emerge stronger.

If you currently feel crushed, disorientated or isolated then please do reach out. We can work together to help you stay strong, grounded and in control. We can reconnect you your true sense of honesty, consistency, grace and patience. This will always outlast the lies.

You deserve to be happy and free. Although a smear campaign tries to hijack your narrative, you will still get to write your own story.

To your health and happiness, 

Dan Regan

Anxiety Therapist in Ely & Newmarket

 

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