Domestic Abuse Awareness Month

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. It’s a time to shine a light on a subject that sadly affects millions, often behind closed doors and in silence. Whether emotional, psychological, physical or financial, domestic abuse can leave deep scars, not just in the moment, but long after the abusive relationship has ended.

I’ve written before about post separation abuse awareness, something I have personally experienced and that often follows on at the end of an abusive relationship. Even before the post separation stuff, I was trapped in a very controlling relationship, which some would describe as being abusive.

Awareness campaigns highlight the signs of abuse and promote ways you can keep yourself safe and supported. However, it is equally important to talk about the journey of healing, and how tools like hypnotherapy can help you to regain control, confidence and calm after experiencing abuse. You can reclaim your confidence and find inner peace.

And this is important, because domestic abuse isn’t always visible. Many of the psychological and emotional impacts are internal and can be long lasting. Anxiety, low self esteem, PTSD, guilt, depression and even chronic feelings of fear or ‘being on edge’ can continue for months or years after the abuse has stopped.

I’ve worked with many clients who have left abusive relationships but who still carry the heavy emotional burden with them. Some struggle with flashbacks, nightmares or a constant sense of dread. Others have difficulty overcoming anxiety and with forming healthy relationships again. Those unhelpful patterns of thinking and feeling can leave you feeling stuck. And this is where hypnotherapy can offer gentle yet powerful support.

Hypnotherapy for Healing: How It Can Help After Domestic Abuse

Hypnotherapy can help you to change the unwanted thoughts and feelings that you have been experiencing as a result of the domestic abuse. You can change your automatic thoughts, patterns, beliefs and emotions. Often, after abuse, you will have instinctively developed protective responses. These can include hypervigilance, anxiety, people pleasing, paranoia or a fear of rejection, all based on survival in a toxic environment.

While these responses may have once served a purpose, they can start to hold you back from living the life that you truly deserve. Working together with hypnotherapy, we can begin to help you release any internalised fear, guilt or shame. You can reduce anxiety, panic or flashbacks using calming strategies and relaxation techniques. Your confidence and self esteem can be rebuilt and strengthened.

Hypnotherapy can also help you to let go of limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone again” and you will create healthier thinking patterns that support your emotional freedom and resilience.

It’s not about forgetting the past or acting as if it never happened, it’s about helping you to reclaim your identity, restore you inner calmness and peace, and move forward with confidence, strength and calmness.

Domestic Abuse – A Personal Insight

Sadly, I have experienced being in what I consider to have been a very controlling/coercive relationship. Bit by bit, it erodes who you are as a person and your life becomes dominated by the controlling person.

For years I walked on eggshells in the home, obeying rules that were set for me. I was not allowed out socially and I had to seek permission to do anything outside of the normal work/home routine. There would be regular angry outbursts that could last for hours and then the silent treatment for any perceived non-compliance with the controlling behaviours. I was not allowed to disagree, have an opinion or talk about anything that troubled me. There was ongoing belittling, gaslighting, mocking and blaming.

There would be just enough better times to seem that things could work, but my main function, for nearly twenty years, was to absorb as much of the control and anger so that less was directed towards others. At the end of the relationship, the controlling behaviours that were done to me, were projected onto me (as if they were things I had done rather than things that were done to me) and the intense smear campaign kicked in.

The persistent, endless, post relationship abuse almost broke me at times. I had to involve the police for my own safety after my possessions were trashed and I was intimidated in the street. Even now, the smear campaign continues with all sorts of false things being posted about me on social media.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s experiences but, through therapy and other strategies, I stayed robust, honest and strong. And, if in the storm of the abuse before and after separation I could remain true to myself, then I know you also have the strength and resilience to heal and move forward in your life too.

Your Personal Healing Journey

What you have been through and the impacts upon your thoughts, feelings and emotions will be personal and unique to you. Your path to healing will also be personal and specific to you. Everything needs to be tailored specifically to your own needs, pace and goals. For some it will be more focused upon overcoming anxiety, fear and the constant alertness. For others the main focus will be upon rebuilding robust confidence, self belief and self esteem. Or you may just want to feel more like yourself again. You want to feel calm, safe and empowered.

Some clients begin to notice positive changes even after a short time, whether it is feeling more relaxed, sleeping better, feeling more optimistic or gaining a fresh sense of perspective. Over time, these changes build into a more confident, more peaceful way of living.

Domestic Abuse Awareness month is a reminder that no one should suffer in silence. And no one should have to continue to suffer as a result of their experiences. If you are currently in an abusive situation then there is help available right now from many organisations. They can give you confidential support and guidance.

And if you’ve left an abusive relationship but you are struggling psychologically or emotionally, then hypnotherapy can help you to move forward. You deserve to feel safe, calm, happy and in control over your life again.

If you’d like to have a confidential chat about how hypnotherapy can help you, or someone that you care about, I’m here to help. Feel free to get in touch, and we can talk about how we might work together to support your healing journey.

With kindness and calm, 

Dan Regan

Anxiety Hypnotherapist in Ely & Newmarket

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