How to Support Someone With Anxiety (Without Making It Worse)

One of the most common questions I get asked from people in Ely is, how can I support someone with anxiety? When someone you care about is struggling with anxiety, it’s natural to want to help.

It can be difficult to know what to say or do when someone you care about is struggling with anxiety – especially when you can see they’re finding things hard, but nothing you try seems to make a lasting difference.

You may find yourself trying to reassure them, offer advice, or encourage them to ‘push through’ what they’re feeling.

There may be times when you also feel helpless and frustrated, especially if you have no personal experience of anxiety.

From the outside you know that their negative thoughts and feelings aren’t logical and rational. They may also know this, but that doesn’t stop the endless cycle of thinking the worst and feeling distressed.

Often, it’s not always clear what actually helps – and what can unintentionally make things harder. Supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about finding the perfect words – it’s about understanding what they’re experiencing and how anxiety works.

 

What Anxiety Often Feels Like (From the Inside)

Anxiety isn’t just worry or stress.

For many people, it can involve:

• a constant stream of thoughts, mind racing or overthinking
• physical sensations such as a racing heart, dizziness, sickness or tension
• a feeling that something isn’t right or will go wrong
• difficulty switching off or relaxing
• a strong urge to avoid certain situations

Even when things look ‘fine’ from the outside, the experience can feel very real and overwhelming.

You can read more about how this works on my anxiety hub page.

 

Why It Can Be Difficult to Support Someone

One of the challenges is that anxiety doesn’t usually make logical sense.

Anxiety is purposeful – their mind is trying to protect them from threat and danger. However, in modern times, threats are based more within thoughts and imagination rather than external threats.

You may find yourself thinking:

• “But everything is okay”
• “Every thing is good, they should be happy”
• “There’s nothing to worry about”
• “Why can’t they just let it go?”

These are very understandable reactions.

However, anxiety is not driven by logic alone – it’s driven by how the brain and body respond to perceived threat.

 

A Common Anxiety Situation

In my work as an anxiety therapist in Ely, I often hear similar experiences from both sides.

For example, someone may be experiencing anxiety around physical symptoms or intrusive thoughts. They might seek reassurance from a partner or family member.

The partner wants to help, so they reassure them repeatedly – explaining that everything is fine.

This may help briefly, but the anxiety often returns, sometimes stronger than before.

This can lead to frustration on both sides – even though both people are trying to do the right thing.

 

What Actually Helps

From my work as an anxiety therapist in Ely, here are some things to draw upon to support someone with anxiety:

 

1️⃣ Listen Without Trying to Fix

It’s natural to want to solve the problem.

From the outside, what to do may seem very clear.

However, anxiety often isn’t something that can be ‘fixed’ in the moment.

Simply listening can be more helpful than offering solutions (unless you are asked to).

 

2️⃣ Acknowledge Their Experience

You don’t need to agree with the anxiety – but you can acknowledge how it feels.

For example:

• “That sounds really difficult”
• “I can see why that feels overwhelming”

This helps the person feel understood rather than dismissed.

If you’ve never suffered with anxiety then you may not totally ‘get’ what they are experiencing. However, you can till acknowledge that it is very real for them.

 

3️⃣ Stay Calm and Grounded

Anxiety can sometimes create a sense of urgency.

Remaining calm helps signal safety and can reduce escalation.

Aim to be a calming presence in the midst of the tension and heightened emotion.

 

4️⃣ Be Careful with Reassurance

Reassurance can help in the short term, but repeated reassurance can sometimes maintain anxiety.

For example, someone might ask for reassurance about their health, their thoughts, or how they’re feeling. You reassure them, and for a short time they feel calmer. But then the doubt returns, and they ask again. Over time, this can become an exhausting cycle for both of you – even though both of you are trying to help in the best way you can.

This is especially common in areas like health anxiety or intrusive thoughts.

If you’d like to understand this more, you can read about why health anxiety feels so real and why reassurance doesn’t last.

Aim to be calm, supportive and understanding.

 

5️⃣ Encourage Gently (Not Forcefully)

Encouragement can be helpful, but pushing too hard can increase anxiety.

A gentle approach works best.

In a calmer moment, ask them what support and encouragement they would find helpful the next time they are highly anxious.

 

6️⃣ Help Them Understand What’s Happening

Often, one of the most helpful things is understanding anxiety.

When someone understands:

• why their body feels the way it does
• why thoughts feel so real
• why patterns repeat

…it can reduce fear significantly.

When anxiety strikes, it is hard to think clearly. If they have helpful strategies and coping skills, ask them if they want gentle reminders of these.

There are simple ways you can learn to help someone calm anxiety in the moment.

 

What Can Accidentally Make Anxiety Worse

Even with the best intentions, some responses can increase anxiety:

• dismissing how they feel
• telling them it’s all in their mind
• trying to ‘logic’ them out of it
• becoming frustrated or impatient
• constantly providing reassurance
• avoiding situations completely on their behalf

The best time to find out the support they want is when things are calmer. Then if anxiety rises, you will know what they want you to do.

 

Supporting Someone During a Panic or High Anxiety Moment

If someone is experiencing intense anxiety or panic:

• stay calm
• keep your voice steady
• avoid overwhelming them with information
• remind them the feeling will pass
• encourage slow breathing (without forcing it)

Sometimes just being calmly present can be enough.

You can also read more about how to calm a panic attack in the moment.

 

Looking After Yourself Too

Supporting someone with anxiety can be emotionally demanding at times.

It’s important to:

• recognise your own limits
• take time for yourself
• avoid feeling responsible for ‘fixing’ everything

If you don’t look after yourself then you are no good to anyone else.

You’re there to support – not to carry the entire burden.

 

When It Might Help to Suggest Support

If anxiety is:

• persistent
• affecting daily life
• not improving over time

…it can help to gently suggest speaking to someone.

You might say:

• “Would it help to talk to someone about this?”
• “You don’t have to deal with this on your own”

With the right support, anxiety can reduce.

there’s more here about when to seek help for anxiety and how to find the right anxiety therapist.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the best way to support someone with anxiety?
Listening, understanding, and staying calm are often more helpful than trying to fix things.

Should I reassure someone with anxiety?
Occasional reassurance can help, but repeated reassurance can sometimes maintain anxiety patterns.

What should I avoid saying?
Avoid dismissing their experience, trying to problem solve or trying to ‘logic them out of how they feel. The time for talking is when everyone is calm.

 

Anxiety Therapy and Support

You don’t need to get everything right.

Supporting someone with anxiety is not about perfection.

Often, simply being there, listening, and staying calm makes more difference than you might realise.

If anxiety is having a significant impact, it’s important to know that this is something that can change with the right support.

To your health and happiness,

Dan Regan

Anxiety Therapy and Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket

 

Could you use some help with your anxiety? Struggling with anxiety, stress, worry and fear and need some help? Find out how I can help with a Free Initial Consultation. Learn more here: Appointments

Find out what hundreds of other people have said after their anxiety hypnotherapy sessions with Dan: Hypnotherapy Testimonials

And check out these popular and powerful hypnosis downloads that can start helping you right away with anxiety, confidence and more: Hypnosis Downloads