Why Do You Feel Anxious When You’re Supposed to Be Relaxing?

Have you ever finally reached the end of a busy day, sat down to relax and found that your mind just won’t settle?

Perhaps you’ve been looking forward to a quiet evening, a weekend without plans or a few days away from work. You look forward to it and tell yourself that you can finally switch off. Yet, instead of feeling calm, you find yourself worrying, feeling restless or thinking apeacebout everything you need to do.

When all the usual busyness and distractions subside, your anxiety can become more noticeable. And you might even start feeling anxious about the fact that you can’t relax.

If you feel anxious when relaxing, you’re certainly not alone. It’s something I hear from people I work with for anxiety in Ely, Newmarket and online. They can spend their days coping with work, family responsibilities and everything else life throws at them. But when things finally go quiet, their anxiety seems to become louder.

And that can be frustrating, particularly when you’ve been looking forward to having some time to yourself. Just when you should be resting and recharging, your thoughts and feelings continue to wear you out.

So why can relaxing sometimes make you feel more anxious? And what can you do to start feeling more comfortable when you finally have time to unwind?

 

Quick Summary: Why Do I Feel Anxious When Relaxing?

You may feel anxious when trying to relax because your mind and body have become accustomed to being busy, alert or on the lookout for problems. When the distractions of everyday life disappear, worries and physical sensations can become more noticeable.

You might also feel pressure to relax, worry that you’re wasting time, keep thinking about things you should be getting on with or find yourself constantly checking whether you’re feeling calm yet.

The important thing to remember is that struggling to relax doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you’ll always feel this way. You can learn to respond differently to anxious thoughts and feelings, and gradually become more comfortable with quieter moments. The pattern of mental busyness and physical tension can be changed.

You don’t have to force yourself to feel calm or get relaxation perfectly right and you can learn to enjoy these moments of peace.

 

Related Anxiety Articles and Resources

You may also find these helpful if you feel anxious when relaxing:

• Anxiety and Overthinking – understand why your mind can become caught in repetitive worries and thoughts.
• Night-Time Anxiety – when anxiety becomes more noticeable as you’re trying to sleep.
• Why Do I Feel Anxious? – understanding anxiety that seems to appear without an obvious reason.
• Anxiety Support in Ely and Newmarket – explore my Anxiety Hub for more articles, practical advice and support.
• Real Hypnotherapy Reviews in Ely – read about the experiences of people I’ve helped with anxiety and other issues.

 

Why Do I Feel Anxious When Relaxing?

When you’re busy, your attention is often directed towards whatever you’re doing and getting on with.

You’re working, driving, shopping, looking after other people or dealing with the next thing on your list. Even if you’re feeling anxious, you may not have much opportunity to notice every thought or physical sensation. Some people keep themselves constantly occupied to purposefully avoid being alone with their anxious thoughts and feelings.

Then you stop.

Suddenly, there isn’t something demanding your attention. And all those worries that were sitting in the background seem to move to the front of your mind.

You start thinking about tomorrow. You remember something that happened earlier. You wonder whether you’ve forgotten something important. You overthink all the things you feel you should be getting on with (and there are always things on your to-do list).

You might notice your heartbeat, tension in your shoulders or a strange feeling in your stomach. You feel restless. You may feel guilty for resting or just unable to relax.

Nothing particularly bad has happened. Yet you feel anything but relaxed. You may even get frustrated about your inability to relax when you have the opportunity. Everyone else seems to be able to chill out but you just can’t seem to unwind. Some people start to worry about how exhausted they’ll feel then they get back into the normal routine because they haven’t had time to rest and recuperate.

Sometimes it’s not that stopping has created your anxiety. It’s that stopping has given you more opportunity to notice what’s already going on.

That distinction can be helpful because it means you don’t have to treat every uncomfortable feeling as evidence that something is wrong.

 

Your Mind Can Get Used to Being on Alert

When you’ve experienced anxiety for a long time, being watchful and prepared for problems can start to feel normal. You might spend a lot of time anticipating what could go wrong, thinking ahead, mentally rehearsing conversations or checking that everything is okay.

After a while, it can become difficult to recognise just how much mental effort you’re putting into everyday life.

I often talk with clients about how anxiety can become an automatic, habitual pattern. You don’t necessarily choose to worry or deliberately make yourself tense. Your mind has simply become very practised at responding in that way. Through repetition you have become used to overthinking and thinking the worst.

I understand something of this from my own experience of anxiety and panic attacks. When you’re used to feeling anxious, it’s easy to become caught up in monitoring how you’re feeling and wondering whether you’re going to be okay. Your imagination and focus always seem to be moving onto the next thing that could happen and how catastrophic it may be. It can feel like you are always preparing yourself for how you’ll cope when everything unravels.

And when you’ve spent so much time being on alert, the absence of something to do can initially feel unfamiliar.

You might worry about little things because it seems like you have to have something to worry about. You might feel that you should be doing something useful. And, if you do start to relax, you may even worry about how you aren’t worrying about anything and whether you are missing something.

But being busy isn’t the same as being calm. And being still isn’t necessarily the same as feeling relaxed.

The good news is that these patterns aren’t fixed. Just as anxious responses can become familiar and automatic, you can learn and practise different ways of responding.

 

Why Trying Too Hard to Relax Can Make Anxiety Worse

Imagine you’ve had a difficult week and you’ve been looking forward to a relaxing Sunday afternoon.

You sit down, put your feet up and tell yourself that you really need to relax. A few minutes later, you notice you’re still feeling tense.

So you start wondering why you aren’t relaxed yet.

You check how you’re feeling again.

Perhaps you try harder to clear your mind, slow your breathing or stop thinking.

Before long, relaxing has become another thing you’re putting pressure on yourself to achieve.

In the busyness of life, relaxing and calm time can feel like another thing to get done so you can cross it off your list and move on to the next thing you need to do.

The same thing can happen with holidays. The pressure to relax and unfamiliarity of a quiet mind can get in the way of having some quality peacefulness.

This is something I see with anxiety more generally. The more someone tries to make absolutely sure they aren’t feeling anxious, the more attention they can end up giving to every little sign of anxiety.

Relaxation can become another test you feel you need to pass. And if you don’t feel calm straight away, you may start worrying about that too.

But you don’t need to make yourself feel perfectly calm before you can enjoy a quiet moment.

You can allow yourself to rest even if your mind is still a little busy.

You can enjoy doing something pleasant without first checking that every anxious feeling has disappeared.

And you can begin to change your relationship with anxiety without having to fight against every uncomfortable thought or sensation.

 

Why You Might Feel Guilty About Doing Nothing

For some people, the difficulty isn’t just anxiety. It’s the feeling that they should always be doing something.

You might find yourself thinking:

• I should be getting on with something useful.
• I’m wasting time sitting here.
• There’s so much I haven’t done yet.
• I can’t relax until everything is finished.
• Other people seem to manage much more than I do.

If you’re used to measuring a good day by how much you’ve achieved, spending time doing very little can feel uncomfortable.

You might get up to tidy something, check your emails or start another job.

There’s nothing wrong with being productive. But if you only allow yourself to rest once everything is completed, you may find that the opportunity never really arrives.

There will almost always be something else you could be doing.

One useful change is to stop treating rest as something you have to earn.

You can have things left on your list and still allow yourself some time to relax.

And sometimes giving yourself permission to do less can be an important part of feeling better (and being more productive when you get back onto things after relaxing).

 

Why Anxiety Can Appear at Weekends or on Holiday

This can be particularly frustrating when you’ve been looking forward to some time off.

During the working week, you might be counting down the days until the weekend. You imagine having time to yourself, sleeping a little longer or simply enjoying a slower pace.

But when the weekend arrives, your mind carries on at its usual speed.

Perhaps you start worrying about Monday. Maybe you feel restless because your usual routine has changed. Or you find yourself thinking about everything you ought to be doing with your free time. It’s like your free time is so important that you shouldn’t waste it by ‘doing nothing’.

The same thing can happen with holidays like Christmas and times off at home, as well as when you go away on holiday.

You can be somewhere lovely, away from your normal responsibilities, and still find yourself feeling anxious. It’s easy to put pressure on yourself to enjoy relaxing, become frustrated and think that you’re spoiling your own time off. But changing your surroundings doesn’t automatically change the patterns of thinking and responding that you’ve been practising for months or years.

You can gradually learn to respond differently.

And you don’t have to wait until you’re on holiday to start.

 

If anxiety is making it difficult to switch off, enjoy your free time or feel comfortable in yourself, you can find out more about my anxiety hypnotherapy in Ely. I offer a free initial consultation where we can talk about what’s been happening for you, with no pressure or obligation.

 

How to Feel More Comfortable Relaxing When You Have Anxiety

There isn’t one technique that works for everyone. However, there are several small changes that can help you become more comfortable with downtime.

1. Stop Making Relaxation Another Task

Instead of telling yourself that you must feel relaxed, give yourself permission to have a few quieter minutes.

You don’t have to empty your mind and don’t have to feel completely calm. And you don’t need to keep checking whether it’s working.

You might still notice anxious thoughts or physical tension. That’s okay. You can allow those experiences to be there without immediately doing something about them.

The aim isn’t to win a battle against anxiety. It’s to become more comfortable with the experience of slowing down.

 

2. Start With Short Periods of Rest

If sitting quietly for half an hour feels difficult, there’s no need to start there.

You could begin with a couple of minutes.

Sit somewhere comfortable, look out of the window, enjoy a drink or simply notice what’s happening around you.

If your mind wanders, you haven’t failed – you can gently bring your attention back to what you’re doing.

Over time, you may find that quieter moments become more familiar and less uncomfortable.

 

3. Choose Something You Actually Enjoy

Relaxing doesn’t have to mean sitting completely still with your eyes closed.

You might find it easier to unwind by going for a gentle walk, listening to music, reading, gardening or spending time outdoors.

Sometimes people get caught up in what they think relaxation is supposed to look like.

But you don’t have to relax in the same way as someone else.

Choose something that gives you a little breathing space from the constant demands of everyday life.

 

4. Notice When You’re Checking How You Feel

One thing worth paying attention to is how often you ask yourself whether you’re relaxed yet.

You might notice thoughts such as:

• Am I feeling calmer?
• Why am I still tense?
• Why aren’t I relaxed yet?
• What if this anxiety doesn’t go away?

The problem is that repeatedly checking your anxiety can keep your attention firmly fixed on it.

When you notice yourself doing this, see whether you can gently return your attention to the activity you’re enjoying.

You don’t have to solve every feeling before carrying on with your day.

 

5. Try My Free Relaxation Hypnosis Audio

Sometimes having a little guidance can make it easier to practise relaxing.

I’ve created a free Rapid Relaxation Hypnosis audio for people who find it difficult to switch off and want to practise feeling calmer. You can listen somewhere quiet and comfortable, without putting pressure on yourself to achieve a particular feeling.

Many people who have used the hypnosis audio find it’s an opportunity to practise, rather than another test they have to pass. Learning to relax is something you can practise and become more comfortable with over time. It doesn’t have to happen immediately, and you don’t have to get it right every time.

To get the recording free, enter your details on the download page and you’ll receive an access code.

If you’d prefer to begin working on things yourself before considering one-to-one sessions, you can also explore my wider range of hypnosis downloads for anxiety, stress and confidence.

You don’t need to buy anything to use the free recording.

Remember to listen somewhere safe and comfortable, never while driving or doing anything that needs your full attention.

 

6. Learn to Be More Comfortable With Imperfect Moments

One of the most useful changes you can make is accepting that not every quiet moment will feel wonderfully peaceful. You don’t need to ’empty your mind’ or have no thoughts at all in order to feel mentally and physically calm and relaxed.

Some days you’ll find it easier to unwind than others.

Sometimes you’ll have worries on your mind.

You might be physically tired but mentally alert, or simply not feel like sitting still.

None of that means you’re doing anything wrong.

Rather than judging how relaxed you feel, try to notice whether you’re becoming a little less caught up in fighting against how you feel.

That can be a useful starting point.

 

One Thing I’ve Learned From Helping People With Anxiety

After working with people experiencing anxiety for many years, one thing I’ve noticed is how easily the effort to get rid of anxiety can become part of the problem.

People understandably want to feel better. They want their thoughts to settle, their physical symptoms to ease and their confidence to return.

But sometimes they become so focused on whether the anxiety has gone that they find it difficult to pay attention to anything else. Everything becomes focused upon anxiety and what they don’t want to feel.

This can happen when they’re trying to relax, too.

They sit down, notice they’re still feeling anxious and immediately start wondering what they need to do to make the feeling disappear. Rather than looking for signs of relaxing, they may keep checking for signs of anxiety.

Something I encourage people to work towards is becoming less concerned about checking and controlling every anxious feeling, and more able to get on with the things that matter to them.

You can enjoy a cup of tea, spend time with your family, go for a walk or have a quiet evening even if you aren’t feeling perfectly relaxed. And as you become less caught up in monitoring anxiety, you may find that feeling calmer becomes easier.

Over the years, I’ve heard from many clients who have struggled with constant worry, overthinking and feeling on edge. You can read about their experiences, what they were struggling with and the changes they’ve experienced.

You can read more real client experiences here: Hypnotherapy reviews in Ely.

 

The Good News: You Can Learn to Relax Again

If you’ve been feeling anxious for a long time, it’s understandable that relaxing might not come naturally at the moment. But that doesn’t mean you’re always going to feel this way.

The patterns of thinking, feeling and responding that accompany anxiety can change.

You can learn to spend less time worrying about what might happen, become less focused on uncomfortable sensations and feel more comfortable with quieter moments.

And you don’t have to become perfectly relaxed to make progress.

Sometimes the first positive change is simply being able to sit down and enjoy a little time to yourself without worrying quite so much about how you’re feeling.

That’s a worthwhile step.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Feeling Anxious When Relaxing

Why do I feel anxious when I have nothing to do?

When you’re no longer occupied with everyday tasks, you may become more aware of worries, uncomfortable feelings or physical tension. If you’re used to staying busy, worrying or anticipating problems, having nothing particular to do can initially feel unfamiliar.

Can trying to relax make anxiety worse?

Sometimes. If you put pressure on yourself to relax and repeatedly check whether you’re feeling calm, you may become more focused on anxiety. Taking a gentler approach, without trying to force a particular result, can be more helpful.

Why can’t I switch off even when I’m tired?

Physical tiredness and mental relaxation aren’t the same thing. You can feel exhausted while still worrying, planning or anticipating problems. If this is particularly noticeable when you’re trying to sleep, night-time anxiety may also be playing a part.

Is it normal to feel anxious on holiday or at weekends?

Yes, this can happen. A change in routine, fewer distractions or expectations that you should be enjoying yourself can make anxiety more noticeable. Feeling anxious during time off doesn’t mean you can’t learn to enjoy those moments again.

Can hypnotherapy help me relax and feel less anxious?

Hypnotherapy can be one approach to managing anxiety and developing calmer responses. In my hypnotherapy sessions in Ely, Newmarket and online, I combine hypnosis with practical strategies tailored to the individual, helping people work on the thoughts, feelings and habits that have been keeping anxiety going.

 

Getting Help With Anxiety in Ely, Newmarket and Online

If you find that you can’t relax, you’re constantly worrying or anxiety is taking the enjoyment out of your free time, you don’t have to keep struggling with it on your own.

I’ve been helping people with anxiety through hypnotherapy in Ely for over 15 years, and I also work with people in Newmarket and online.

I know from my own experience how frustrating and limiting anxiety can be, particularly when you just want to feel comfortable and get on with life. My approach is about helping you change the patterns that keep anxiety going, so you can spend less time worrying and more time enjoying everyday life.

If you’re wondering whether hypnotherapy could help you, you may find it reassuring to hear from people I’ve already worked with. You can read their experiences in my hypnotherapy reviews in Ely or watch their stories in my video hypnotherapy testimonials.

You can also find out more about anxiety hypnotherapy in Ely or explore my Anxiety Hub for further articles, advice and practical guidance.

And if you’d like to talk about what’s been happening for you, I offer a free initial consultation. It’s a chance to explain what you’ve been experiencing, ask questions and see whether working together feels right for you. There’s no pressure or obligation.

Book your free initial consultation

To your health and happiness,

Dan Regan

Anxiety Therapy and Hypnotherapy in Ely and Newmarket